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You smile, I bleed.

The red rose cracks
As frost grips
Its long, sore, stem.

You laugh, I cry.
Your laughter echoes
In the dull, thudding silence
In the space
Between us and I melt.

So much is left unsaid.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


that one must look at the perfect understanding of this relationship. You know where this partnership is going, and there is not a word wasted! I like it. ~ Geezer.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks Geezer
Trying to synthesise a human emotion in as few words as possible is a worthy exercise and cathartic.

author comment

I am seldom able to put as much into as few words. The I start writing I tend to drone on and on until the readers likely fall asleep. You know, kinda like this comment lol

Thanks Scribbler
Try writing a poem where all the words are only one syllable. It will tame you.
PS I accept that some of the above poem has words of more than one syllable.

author comment

You have the unerring talent of paring a poem to perfection.
This, as with 'Tulips", is very impressive.


Much appreciated comment Obadiah.


author comment

"you smile, I bleed" thoroughly got my attention. then, "you laugh, I cry" to be so at odds with someone you are in a relationship with! it sounds like the end of it. when your head and heart are so full that they go into overload and hit saturation! wow, alot comes to mind but refuses to be voiced.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Hi Cat
Don't encourage me too much else I'll post some real tearjerkers!


author comment

bring it!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Congrats on the win! This is a great poem. I especially love how you contrast between I and You.

"To fly is to fall."

You have reminded me of a song by a group called "Yes" - some of the lyrics

And you and I climb, crossing the shapes of the morning
And you and I reach over the sun for the river
And you and I climb, clearer towards the movement
And you and I called over valleys of endless seas

You can get a Youtube video of them with this song

author comment

teach me to compose as do ye
tell me if I ever will come closer to thee
thy poetry.
EXCEPT a slice of advice -no
just a hint
why capitalize each first letter
I feel
May see

Hi Lovedly

It's just a habit - I'll try harder next time.

author comment
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