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Indelible [Sunku WS]
Pencil
with an
eraser tip
Express
Emote
Eliminate
Echoes
remain
indelible
................
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2018-02-26 14:39
Good one raj
Certainly not too revealing. Indelible
I see the purpose of the pencil and it eraser vaguely but, potently expressed in the KEY words you chose. This sunku makes your minds eye work overtime to capture the three themes simultaneously. The key words express and emote depicts the purpose of pencil; eliminate depicts the eraser and echoes depicts indelible.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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raj
Mon, 2018-02-26 14:57
Thanks Barbara
for your time read and decode the Sunku pretty well. The third stanza may be still tickling your mind's eye...i liked your "mind's eye"
.....
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2018-02-26 15:41
Yes
It has and still is
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Mon, 2018-02-26 15:45
Barbara would this clue help?
Barbara would this clue help?
Echoes [pain, song of heart, loss in parting, emptiness]
.....
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2018-02-27 13:13
Nice
Guess I don’t express emotions well
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Tue, 2018-02-27 13:38
Oh common! who will believe
Oh common! who will believe you cannot express emotions well? Barbara you have the gift and skill to do it which you have demonstrated through so many poems...
Warm regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2018-02-27 16:59
Lol
I express crazy well because People tend to misunderstand my Intention when I express my emotions. But I can write it well tho out of form lol.
I just didn’t get the emotions the way you expressed it in the poem. Like I said your poem was perfectly vague and I obviously after 10 years on here don’t get what the writer is always trying to convey. I can only can express what I see. I did that but as usual I’m off but I’m still right because it’s what I see. I now see what you are portraying which is also right...
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
lonlyhrtsclub13
Mon, 2018-02-26 19:37
The pencil
A virtually silent yet powerful tool. I believe the message of this Sunku depicts how we express our emotions, eliminate them thru using the pencil but the echo of those emotions remain. Good write, makes the reader think.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
raj
Tue, 2018-02-27 05:05
Thanks Carrie
for the read....your comment is in sync with the theme...good to know it made you think to read the thought expressed between the lines..
....
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Mon, 2018-02-26 23:00
You ave excelled in this form Raj
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0NtF68lO1pa
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
raj
Tue, 2018-02-27 05:06
Thanks Jess for your good
Thanks Jess for your good words.
....
Regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Wed, 2018-02-28 06:57
just beautiful
..
raj
Tue, 2018-02-27 06:05
Thanks Lovedly for your kind
Thanks Lovedly for your kind words. I continue to walk the learning curve..
.........
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Wed, 2018-02-28 08:46
.
.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
raj
Wed, 2018-02-28 05:35
deleted
deleted
raj (sublime_ocean)