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Nightscape
shadows slowly lengthen
disappearing gently
into silhouettes
one act follows another
in a harmonic motion
birds return to nests
to chirpy welcome of mates
snuggling together
moon takes center stage
for a romantic ballet
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Teddy15
Wed, 2020-07-29 12:52
Dear Raj
Oh yes simply gorgeous your first stanza is so special and leads the poem through to the moons ballet!
Wonderful! Very musical.
Thank you...Teddy
raj
Thu, 2020-07-30 02:04
Thanks Teddy
for taking time to read. Good to know you liked it and found it gorgeous.
thanks again...
raj (sublime_ocean)
c lynn brooks
Wed, 2020-07-29 15:11
Raj
awww how pretty is this poem especially the birds I hear them at night getting ready for bed(the birds that is lol) I find nothing to add or correct
Raj this poem had a very soothing affect on this reader
Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
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raj
Thu, 2020-07-30 02:06
Hi Chrys
thanks for taking time to read. Good to know you liked this poem and it had a soothing effect.
thanks again..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Gracy
Wed, 2020-07-29 16:34
Hello raj, what lovely, well
Hello raj, what lovely, well crafted poems. One is a perfect haiku, it's almost alive. Could you please explain the whole structure, because I see you have some 2-liners in between. Does it have a distinct name and form?
Thanks so much for sharing your art with us, Gracy
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raj
Thu, 2020-07-30 02:13
Hello Gracy
thanks for taking time to read and your comment....coming from learned poets like you it's like tonic to an amateur like me..
as to the form of 5 liner poem with first three lines having 5-7-5 followed by next two of 7-7 syllables, it is a Japanese form called Tanka... a series of them is called Renga though supposed to be written by two people...Barbara used to conduct workshops on them in the past...
thanks again...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Thu, 2020-07-30 09:04
How nice...
to have learned something that will bring pleasure. ~ Geez.
.
Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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all night or on the other side of the world.
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raj
Thu, 2020-07-30 12:44
Thanks Geezer
for visiting this page and your comment...
be well..
raj (sublime_ocean)