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Indelible [Sunku WS]

Pencil
with an
eraser tip

Express
Emote
Eliminate

Echoes
remain
indelible
................

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Certainly not too revealing. Indelible
I see the purpose of the pencil and it eraser vaguely but, potently expressed in the KEY words you chose. This sunku makes your minds eye work overtime to capture the three themes simultaneously. The key words express and emote depicts the purpose of pencil; eliminate depicts the eraser and echoes depicts indelible.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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for your time read and decode the Sunku pretty well. The third stanza may be still tickling your mind's eye...i liked your "mind's eye"

.....

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

It has and still is

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

Barbara would this clue help?

Echoes [pain, song of heart, loss in parting, emptiness]

.....

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Guess I don’t express emotions well

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

Oh common! who will believe you cannot express emotions well? Barbara you have the gift and skill to do it which you have demonstrated through so many poems...

Warm regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I express crazy well because People tend to misunderstand my Intention when I express my emotions. But I can write it well tho out of form lol.

I just didn’t get the emotions the way you expressed it in the poem. Like I said your poem was perfectly vague and I obviously after 10 years on here don’t get what the writer is always trying to convey. I can only can express what I see. I did that but as usual I’m off but I’m still right because it’s what I see. I now see what you are portraying which is also right...

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

A virtually silent yet powerful tool. I believe the message of this Sunku depicts how we express our emotions, eliminate them thru using the pencil but the echo of those emotions remain. Good write, makes the reader think.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

for the read....your comment is in sync with the theme...good to know it made you think to read the thought expressed between the lines..
....

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Thanks Jess for your good words.

....
Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Thanks Lovedly for your kind words. I continue to walk the learning curve..

.........

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

deleted

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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