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Truths, Myths & Rumors
Is there truth in all that is said
may be, may be not, may be some
yet we fret, or even tirade
over if it's a peach or plum
when we speak of age old myth
Is there truth in all that is said
hard to believe or contend with
to deny it most are afraid
it's so funny how rumors spread
thanks to the world of inter net
Is there truth in all that is said
it's win or lose placing a bet
all said and done it's time to think
is it all worth to knock our head
or let it rest and quip a Shrink
"is there truth in all that is said"?
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Fri, 2015-03-13 18:42
Raw truth.
This poem is a mess. The subject is strong and relevant, but you have so many mixed up meters that the poem reads from one stumble to the next.
Despite the fact that the piece is verso libre (free verse) there still needs to be some order in the midst of chaos. "Free" verse does not mean free to write ugly.
Don't just attend the Meter workshop, use it to influence your poetry.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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raj
Sat, 2015-03-14 00:43
Hi Wesley
Thanks for letting me know that my poem is a mess and ugly. Everyone is entitled for an opinion.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Sat, 2015-03-14 14:11
There are truths...
and there are truths. I too, liked the content, it's just the manner in which it was displayed is beneath your talent. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
raj
Sat, 2015-03-14 14:13
Hi Gee
Thanks
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-03-14 17:19
Raj,
I didn't mean to insult you. If I did I apologize. I meant as Geez meant... some things just don't meet a standard already set. You write must better than this and you do ask for the "raw truth". That's how I saw it, but I'll leave your poetry alone for now.
I really am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
raj
Sun, 2015-03-15 03:23
Wesley
Thanks for visiting this page again. No I am not hurt so no need for apologies. I appreciate all opinions.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Sun, 2015-03-15 05:32
this is what Wes means Raj
Is there truth | in all | that is said ...................trimeter anapaest iambic anapaest
may be, | may be | not, may | be some ...........tetrameter trochee trochee spondee iambic
et we | fret, or | e -ven | tir -ade .....................trochic tetrameter
o -ver | if it's | a --peach | or plum ...................tetrameter - trochee pyrrhic iambic iambic
when we speak | of age | old myth .................trimeter anapaest iambic spondee.
hard to be | -lieve or con | -tend with ..............trochee trimeter
to de -ny | it most | are a -fraid ........................trimeter anapaest iambic anapaest
it's so funny | how rum | -ors spread ................trimeter anapaest iambic iambic
thanks to | the world | of int | -er net ...............tetrameter trochee iambic iambic iambic
it's win | or lose | plac -ing | a bet .....................tetrameter iambic iambic trochee iambic
all said | and done | it's time | to think .............tetameter spondee iambic iambic iambic
is it | all worth | to knock | our head ................. tetrameter pyrrhic iambic iambic iambic
or let | it rest | and quip | a Shrink ...................iambic tetrameter
can you see how the feet are all overmixed? that is why people are finding the rhyhm rough
as for the subject and the refrain - I love it
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Sun, 2015-03-15 05:19
Judyanne
Thanks for the observations and detailed explanation
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Sun, 2015-03-15 05:23
i forgot to mention
The different lengths of the verses, in no particular pattern, also affects the rhythm
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Sun, 2015-03-15 05:27
Judyanne
Thanks once again for your observations.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)