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The Suit

Once I saw a man in a suit knocked down by a car
He went rolling along the road,
one shoe went off another way.

He rolled into a sitting position,
he had a small package in his hand.
He raised it to his ear and shook it.
Then he said fuckit
and fell over and didn’t move any more.

So sue me,
I laughed.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

So did i, this has a very strong message. Don't get knocked over by a car, when Roscoe and especially not while weirdelf is passing. I might laugh, but Jess will laugh and write about it. Great poem, i have the scene fixed in my head, and can't stop laughing. First aid will follow of course. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

some people have been appalled by this poem. That made me laugh too.

cheers,
Jess
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author comment

The gift is busted, might as well die. Whatever.
I loved it. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I just have one question: was he in a monkey, clown or santa suit?

Don't you dare laugh, it's a serious question!

~A

it would be awful if it happened to a monkey, clown or santa.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

"business" as usual, eh?

Happy Solstice, Elfie.

~

first your poem made me laugh (what an image!)
then anna's comment cracked me up

(lawdy...i'm going to hell fer shur)

i've just re-read it, and laughed again
i'm thinking this is quite vaginesque in its own way

it brought to mind the time i was sitting in a bath
and it fell through the floor
there i was, blinking like an owl, eyeball to eyeball with
the stumps under the house thinking what the fuck? and
partner comes rushing in, sees my head poking through
the whopping hole in the floor where the bath used to be
and laughs so hard he nearly vomits

i was quite badly hurt, but he couldn't help me in any way,
because he couldn't stop laughing

cheers
p

There was a pretty good movie about a star falling to earth. (Startdust which I loved!), but a star falling through the floor in a bathtub? Hmmm. I can see the humour in that.

You boo-boos are healed (as well as your partner's?).

~

p.s. I had to look up vagineque in the urban dictionary.

stardust...great movie

vaginesque is a word coined by weirdelf...it's in his signature tag

" “Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding” Betty White
So I just coined a word, works aren't ballsy, they're vaginesque"

isn't it just the best quote?

yes, my boo boos are well and truly healed...
had to wear a neck brace for weeks, and had a very
impressive bruise on my arse the size of texas!

my partner redeemed himself somewhat by looking
after me when i'd crawled out, but then blew it the next day
when i hobbled into the bathroom to find he'd erected
a sign in the hole saying
DANGER!....FALLING WOMEN!

I guess those aren't the words he would have preferred to be his last lmao..............stan

and to see P. extending her vocabulary [grins]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

of this change?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

guy flips his convertible a few times
we all rush in to help him out from under
as he screams-
"my Lambo!! o, god!! my Lambo!!"
"Sir! Forget the car, you lost your arm!"
he looks at his stump and gasps-
"my Rolex! not my Rolex! nooo!!"

a laywer

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Jess, as you deemed it necessary to change *directions*, how about saying

"one shoe went off this way". (or that way)

p.s. I don't think elfie used that quote until you wrote vaginesque. but I could be wrong.

p.p.s. As long as the sign wasn't religulous: : "danger, fallen woman, watch your step!"

p.p.p.s. What's a rolex without a hand? Digital. What's a world without lawyers? Law abiding..

better than another way?

Yes, I coined the word vaginesque after seeing the Betty White quote.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

humour ..

loved

humour, like a tumour, grows in the recipient.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I loved it and laughed

I better join the growing queue to hell :)

Hope you had a lovely day

Love JC xox

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Only you would think of this! I love your humor... and the word "vaginesque" grows on a person. (Hey, I think I knew this guy!)

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

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