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Blade

A moment’s inattention and oh,
Steel blade pierces my flesh.
Dear me, lots of claret quickly soaks my sock.

But,
Hard man.
Patch It up.
Back to work.
The redness oozing through my white overalls a badge of manhood.

Or perhaps defloration of my thigh

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

Not sure about defloration in that I can’t get the association of.women losing virginity. To deflower. That opposed to a knife or cutting tool accident...
You set up the poem nicely, precise and tight. Just not connecting the finish for me

.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

it was just the first bad injury I got working, when I finally went to a doctor after work he was aghast I had left it so long and put 10 stitches in. I had put on a bit of rag and closed it with duct tape.

The relationship to loss of virginity is, as you say, questionable, but that's the way it felt. I was working, much against my nature and beliefs but out of financial desperation, on a non-union site so it was carry on or lose pay.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
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author comment

that a scar tough skin. Tougher tan the original that was there.
I think nobody likes being cut but it is also said that the first cut is the deepest ya got to carry on.
This is a beauty only one of the best could pen.
Later,

~Mark~

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mate

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

and I like your metaphorical use of menstrual blood (one of several possibilities) in combination with male power and manhood attitudes. The last lines of each stanza are stunning and tie everything together. Mark said it best, "This is a beauty only one of the best could pen."

Respectfully,

~ Marthalyn

Important distinction.

But thank you. I have been seriously questioning my abilities as a poet lately, in fact always, and yours and Mark's comments really made my day.
Thank you.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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