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Apart

Left-handed
A foreigner
Short
Five much older sisters
Down syndrome younger sister a year apart
Dad always working
Bisexual
Drug addict
Apart

When you are outside looking in
You see more
more beauty
More brutality
more love
More pain

Not much choice
Art, poetry or death
There is a lot of pain.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
"Humans became a dominant species not just through big brains and opposable thumbs but because of collective effort. Humans are genetically socialist and that's why separatists have to proselytise so hard" Being apart is total pain.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I guess that is what I like most about you. Sometimes it hurts your work, but if one is looking for the truth, this is it! Your next to last line could stand a little smoothing. How about: "Art, poetry, both or death" ? ~ Gee.
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I would have said 'lacking in prosodic values'. this is a catharsis piece and I'll take your advice but I'm not sure I can turn it into a real poem.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment

unless you try. Don't get me wrong, I like it and I see that it serves a catharsis. No worries, take your time, maybe even start another and let this one stand? It could be interesting to see where it goes. I like that you left out the [both]. ~ Gee.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

This is emotion in a really raw in stage I feel. I like it. Would be great to expand on each line, and see where it takes you. I feel it though.

It puzzles me that I Ieft out the childhood sexual abuse. Must have blocked it.
I will revisit this.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

author comment
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