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Lethargy by Brian Patten
You have dreamt so often of what you would do
If your life were irrevocably changed
That when you are forced finally from the route best understood
And on to another, less obvious way,
You think at first fantasy will sustain you.
Sink then dreamer into what might have been!
For though on the brilliant branch
The brilliant fruit still clings
It is no longer reached with ease,
And its dazzle’s frightening.
You have dreamt so often of what you would do if your life were irrevocably changed. That when you are forced finally from the route best understood and on to another, less obvious way, you think at first fantasy will sustain you. Sink then dreamer into what might have been! For though on the brilliant branch the brilliant fruit still clings It is no longer reached with ease, And its dazzle’s frightening.
You HAVE DREAMT so OFTen of WHAT you WOULD do
If YOUR LIFE were irREVocably CHANged
That WHEN you FINally from the ROUTE best UNderSTOOD
And ON to another,are forced less obvious way,
You THINK at FIRST FANtasy will susTAIN you.
SINK then DREAMer into what MIGHT HAVE BEEN!
For THOUGH on the brilliant branch
The BRILliant FRUIT still CLINGS
It is no LONGer REACHed with EASE,
And its DAZzle’s FRIGHTening.
Comments
infinite_dwarf
Sun, 2020-02-09 12:30
I love imagery. I get the
I love imagery. I get the picture
(intended or not) of some person just drifting more and more into their own reality that they've made up. I keep tripping on two things, however:
1. The flow of "That when you are forced finally from the route best". I feel like there's a little too much in that sentence. My tongue keeps doing backflips.
2. The double "brilliant". It just seems a little redundant since one was already used very close to the other one's mention.
weirdelf
Sun, 2020-02-09 15:59
Jess this poem is part of the Rhythm and Meter workshop
as a negative example [grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry