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Brooding in the Blues [Abstract Words and Abstract Poetry WS]

Submitted by raj on Fri, 2016-05-27 15:47

No ocean has depth
to drown my sorrow
its salt does hurt my wounds
its waves now remind me
of that elation
of being with you

The sky no more calls me
to soar among those fluffy clouds
my wings are now laden
with the burden of the loss
no warmth now to comfort me
in our abode

as day turns into night
my gloom slips into plight
in that darkness
I search for your light
but you are nowhere in sight
and the pillow on my right
keeps waiting for you

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Abstract words and abstract poetry

Comments

Rula

Fri, 2016-05-27 16:58

Rula's picture
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Abandonment is v. clear in this poem. I love every bit of imagery here as if drawn carefully with the artist's brush.
The title is well chosen and I am sure that Scott won't be disappointed with such a submission.
I simply like it all especially the 2nd and 3rd stanzas.
Well done indeed!

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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raj

Sat, 2016-05-28 00:31

Thank you Rula for your read and kind words. Good to know you liked it and in your opinion this conforms to the Workshop exercise.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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Sparrow

Sat, 2016-05-28 03:16

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A very well thought out and presented write it conforms to the workshops request.
In its way is a great piece well done young raj,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

raj

Sat, 2016-05-28 05:20

Thank you Ian for your words of appreciation, which are like tonic coming from an accomplished poet like you.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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mand

Sat, 2016-05-28 04:11

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Terrific! "Brooding In The Blues" love the title.

So much feeling is expressed in this poem:

I can't pick a favourite part because it's all so wonderfully written and a perfect poem in tribute to one that is missed and loved.

Thanks for sharing your talent. :)

Love Mand xxx

raj

Sat, 2016-05-28 05:22

Thank you Mand for your time, read and kind words. Good to know you liked it.

"Sharing my talent" you are so kind to say that...though I consider myself to be an amateur.

Much love and hugs,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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