About workshops

Workshops on Neopoet are groups that meet for a certain period of time to focus on a certain aspect of poetry. Each workshop participant is asked to critique all the other poems submitted into a workshop. A workshop leader helps coordinate -- they set the agenda, give participants feedback on whether their submissions and critique are at they level expected of them, and after the workshop is over, give feedback to participants. 

To join a workshop, first find one that is of interest to you. Once you have found the right workshop (and verified that it is open -- you can find this out in the description below), you can apply to join the workshop.


Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Abstract words and abstract poetry

Status: 
Program description/goal: 

Description:

Leader: eightmenout (Scott)
Moderator(s): Rula

Objectives:
to accentuate abstract words with imagery and to write abstract poetry. We will discuss abstract words along with when and how to use them. We will critique two abstract poems, one good and one not so much. Each participant will offer a rewrite of the "not so good" poem. Then each participant will submit an original abstract poem for review by the workshop.

of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter:

Length: 
30 days
Number of participants (limit): 
20 people
Skill level: 
Date: 
Sunday, May 1, 2016 to Monday, May 30, 2016

Comments

Hello, Rula just brought this workshop to my attention. I would like to join if not too late. Abstracts are something I have found difficulty dealing with in the past so any useful pointers would be appreciated.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

on board Mr. Logan. You've been added.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Have to go get the leader. Back in a minute.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

sir

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

like to join your workshop. It sounds interesting! Abstract words and poetry are something I feel like I should know something about. ~ Gee

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

and most welcome.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

The word abstract brought me here and I am surprised to read my name listed in the participants...may be my abstract mind doesn't remember :)

Best wishes for the work shop..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Whether directly or otherwise you will throw your thoughts into the pool. That's a command, dontcha know.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Good to see you back man.

Thy command shall be followed..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Would the following verses qualify as abstract?

ready to be writ on their velvety petals
verses with ecstatic chimes

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

as perhaps more metaphorical than abstract.
I could well be wrong in terms of Scott and Rula's intentions for this workshop.
Some dictionary definitions might help-
Abstract

adjective
1. thought of apart from concrete realities, specific objects, or actual instances:
an abstract idea.
2. expressing a quality or characteristic apart from any specific object or instance, as justice, poverty, and speed.
3. theoretical; not applied or practical: abstract science.
4. difficult to understand; abstruse: abstract speculations.
5. Fine Arts. of or relating to the formal aspect of art, emphasizing lines, colors, generalized or geometrical forms, etc., especially with reference to their relationship to one another. (often initial capital letter) pertaining to the nonrepresentational art styles of the 20th century.

noun
6. a summary of a text, scientific article, document, speech, etc.; epitome.
7. something that concentrates in itself the essential qualities of anything more extensive or more general, or of several things; essence.
8. an idea or term considered apart from some material basis or object.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Thanks Jess for the elaboration with detail.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

i'm here. A little confused when I see Rula as workshop leader instead of Scott when I clicked "Find Workshop" Hope this workshop will do me lots of good.

Alid

I am just moderating Khalid. Don't worry (smiles)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

I am here. Well get started later today. Let me just get a hold of the other participants.

Thanks

Scott

Here is the definition we will be using

abstract poem, a term coined by Edith Sitwell to describe a poem in which the words are chosen for their aural quality rather than specifically for their sense or meaning

Scott

by Lewis Carroll
must be the ultimate abstract poem.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Too often times I am reading poetry and find it hard to connect with the poem. Depending on the author, many times I will not even finish reading it. It is our job as a poet to draw the reader in and then keep them there. And perhaps, most importantly, offer them a memory. I don't read (or write) many poems about love, not just because it is overdone, but rather because the poet rarely provides anything "concrete" to go along with the emotion. Love, joy, despair, anger and other such emotions are abstract. They only depict a feeling and do not offer anything tangible to carry forward. However, this does not mean that these necessary emotions should never be written about. It is how we chose to exemplify them that will determine the value of our poetry.

As defined above, it is word selection for sound and/or imagery that will bring home abstract poetry.

For example, "it was a time of sadness". This line is abstract offering us only a vague representation of a period when someone was not happy. It offers no scene for the reader to place themselves into, and although somewhat easy to read, it is hardly memorable. As our first exercise, I ask you to rewrite this line with more "concrete" substance while maintaining the "abstract" feeling of sadness.

My attempt:

Asphalt pathways indented by droopy-dog faced paychecks

Look forward to your submissions. Please feel free to comment on my and others attempts to generate discussion to expand on this topic.

Scott

I read this again today and the above definition of abstract together with your example. I think I am not getting the idea yet and your example isn't making it any clearer for me. Are you saying that abstract word should have a sound to it? Can you give more examples please.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Sorry, I missed this post earlier in the week. Think in terms of "show" the reader, not "tell them" how to feel. Use memorable words. Words that flow and give lasting imagery, not just an overall description of what it looks like to you. As I mentioned to Raj below, you know what your memory looks like. Just describing it to me as is doesn't make it mine nor does it allow for me to place myself there. I will only envision you unless I have lived that before and have my own memory to recall.

In one of my first workshops here on Neo, I was asked to describe how I write. I attempt to draw a picture and let the reader color it in. That doesn't mean that I won't use color, but even when I do, it's often not the obvious color a reader might expect.

Hope this helps some.

Scott

How about

Her beautiful eyes-
flow a meandering river.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

A valiant attempt, however beautiful and meandering do not offer concrete imagery.

How about. - her rivering eyes/feed the forest/of fallen family trees

Scott

this is harder than i thought

How about:
the petals of her roses withered away.

I expect that the verb "wither " isn't working, or is it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

This as written would not be abstract for she could physically be holding roses and it also leans more towards metaphor. Remember, the words you select can also just be used for sound, not specifically meter.

Scott

dying embers?

raj (sublime_ocean)

Concrete imagery, but where does it go? How does it hold time?

Scott

Shadows of a bloody night engulfed the soul
of a young child where the radiance of joy once shine.
Scot, I need your feedback. If this dpn't work I need to redo.

Alid

I like where this is going, but there could be more. Define where the shadows come from. Identify the soul.

Radiance of joy is still too abstract but may work depending on how you work the shadows and soul.

Scott

Tormented and innocent are abstract words. Can you come up with something more "concrete"?

Scott

This is too cliche. This is what we are working on avoiding. Animate shadows. Don't use night. Describe it with different word. Radiance of joy is abstract and again, might be able to remain depending on how you lead into it.

Scott

the ice cream fell from the cone and melting mixed with child's fallen face.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

This is a fine example of capturing an abstract emotion with imagery. The only critique I could give is to make the child stand out more perhaps with color and/or descript.

...mixed with a drooping red bonnet

Scott

the child's face fell with the descent of his ice cream to earth

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I liked the first one better

Scott

Like a lone lantern in the night?

raj (sublime_ocean)

Like a bare limbed tree after fall
chilling in the wintry storm
her green coat stripped to the core
creaking in lashes of the storm

raj (sublime_ocean)

More than close enough. That is excellent. Good work

Scott

More than close enough. That is excellent. Good work

Scott

Thanks Alvin for the feed back. Good to know I am getting a hang of it. How about the other example I have posted below?

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Stars had stopped twinkling
by her overcast mind
clouds were about to burst
through her foggy eyes

even the rain didn't cleanse
her open wounds
grains of salt in them
couldn't sate her sobbing woes

the thunder and lightning
didn't get her out of the maze
so lost she was in the void
blinded by the haze

raj (sublime_ocean)

An abstract poem, but it lacks definition unlike your other attempt. Remember, you can utilize descriptive words to give more imagery to the verse. You can see it. You can feel it. But what draw everyone else to it and keeps it in the memory banks?

Scott

Fiery eyes shone like pools of light in the night
as he stared through the dark

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

A solid attempt, but to me it is more of a metaphor. Perhaps something like this

Fiery eyes shown pools of light as they they wrestled dark away from the night

Scott

As black hair flew in the cold breeze
Scalps tightened and ran with nobby knees
I saw bare branches on naked trees

Is this better?

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

The third line is good, but one and two lend to physical contact. Although they are much more descriptive.

Scott

Nothing here to fete;
dark has cloaked her night
and the light dims
in her precious sight.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

This is much better. Still could use some zing, though.

Scott

I think there is a wide range where both metaphor and abstractness would meet and confuse

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

You are absolutely correct with your statement. However, one needs to be cautious of their metaphor that it does not lend to the physical. A metaphor can be a colorful way of looking at something. And, yes, metaphors can be abstract. However, we are looking for a "conceptual" type.

I think that things are going well here for the early stages. We will continue our discussion over the weekend. On Monday, I will post a rather good poem for all to review. It should help to start tying our discussion together.

Scott

I'm not at all sure that I get this yet, so does this work?
The striking Chinese beauty slipped into something more comfortable and into my lusty dreams.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

A Chinese beauty leaves a lot open for substitution, but not really interpretation. The original line I presented for re-write was

It was a time of sadness

Okay. What time? Who's sadness? What type of sadness? To me, this is the poetry attacking the time. Let the time attack the poetry.

Use your imagination to describe an Asian woman like we've never heard before. Then describe why this dream should be memorable to me. In a recent posting, I had mother nature throw candles in a cloud to light my romantic dinner table.

Let me know if you need more help with this.

Thanks for joining us.

Scott

Here is a link to one of my poems. It is a cliche topic about break ups, but it may give you an idea of how to see things a little bit outside of the box

https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/all-she-had-say-was-no

Scott

of something that just is not me. Methinks I made a mistake through ignorance in setting my feet on this path. Probably time to take the cowards way out and withdraw.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

The lithesome, little Chinese lady popped open her bold brown eyes, slowly drawing them back to their natural size then drew off to slip into something more comfortable and enter my lusty dreams.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Much better. Now try and work on the lusty dreams part. Everyone has dreams. Make it special

Scott

The lithesome, little Chinese lady popped open her bold brown eyes, slowly drawing them back to their natural size then drew off to slip into something more comfortable and enter my lusty dreams. Dreams of mutual ardour. Dreams of consequence. Dreams that stretch into forever.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Not exactly what I was looking for, but I like it. This does show me that you can go there when needed.

For reference, a line I may have chosen

And we danced to the silent movie flickering on my mental walls

Good stuff, though.

Scott

"It is Belgium, nineteen forty four.
A conflict so grand it no longer feels sorrow."

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Excellent choice of quotes, sir. I think you understand this better than guy want to let on. Hard to break old habits. But you got me to write, sometimes, with structure. Let me get you outside the box on imagery.

Scott

Dark is the night
when a child's eyes witnessed his mother's suicide
abandoning life with a noose around her neck
after despair turned her into a wreck.

Alid

This is solid writing, but not abstract. We need to get you outside the box. I left a link for Keith. Please check it out.

Scott

I think that a new stream would be good, as wading through all the comments and the few streamed poetic writes, the attempt at abstract work is being lost in a multitude of entries,
Yours as always Ian..

A multitude of feelings stretched the forests glow
I felt ice cold, in fear that my golden girl had left
I had not only planted a kiss on her rosy cheek,
But as we ran the track of life, mistrust was planted
I could only culture more, by tracing our trusts contours
I had become detached by the small flickering feelings
They ran their course with the leaden feet of dallying.
No good would bloom in this reject of a love affair..
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

An abstract topic with concrete imagery. Good effort. But for this workshop, I am attempting to get poets out of their comfort zone. This work still has some cliche in it. Open up the moment and allow the reader to step in.

Scott

lying supine like a felled tree
the storm had wrecked her hope
uprooting the will to live
under the overcast sky

*

raj (sublime_ocean)

She, a felled tree lying supine
Eyes wrecked with flooded hope
Flowing away with overcast skies

Can you see the differences? Making her the tree. Giving action to hope

Scott

Hmmm...i get what you mean Alvin..

raj (sublime_ocean)

help me understand, man. You say don't tell the reader, show them how to feel. How do you do that without being decriptive?

Alid

We are working on the abstract. Describe things in a way no one has used before. Maybe try picking out the simplest of details in your image and highlighting it to give the reader reference. Animate it.

Scott

Please bare with me. This is my first workshop and I am learning just as you. It is proving difficult to explain the abstract in a way that I don't infringe on your creativity and poetic strengths. It is also difficult to explain something that is fairly natural to me. I will get there, though. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post the poem, but I think I shall post it today in the hope that it will help clarify my points.

Thanks for your patience

Scott

http://allpoetry.com/Lessons-in-Hunger

"Do you like me?"
I asked the blue blazer.
No answer.
Silence bounced out of his books.
Silence fell off his tongue
and sat between us
and clogged my throat.
It slaughtered my trust.
It tore cigarettes out of my mouth.
We exchanged blind words,
and I did not cry,
and I did not beg,
blackness lunged in my heart,
and something that had been good,
a sort of kindly oxygen,
turned into a gas oven.
Do you like me?
How absurd!
What's a question like that?
What's a silence like that?
And what am I hanging around for,
riddled with what his silence said?

Scott

After reading the poem, is there an assignment?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

We will start breaking down the poem tomorrow

Scott

bet you are understanding why I needed a break from running workshops.
Please post a simple declarative statement of where we go next.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Above is a poem, Lessons in Hunger, by Anne Sexton. This poem is a strong example of how to utilize "concrete" imagery with abstract concepts. Your task is to break down the poem and identify each instance where the poet "animates" an abstract word. Then select one of these instances and explain why it does or does not work. For the sake of saving the thread, you can post your comments where we would post poems for the workshop.

Scott

To me, after reading the poem twice, I can say that it worked for me.

My perception:-

This is about a smoker looking at his image in the mirror [Blue Blazer] and rest of the poem is an argument between the smoker [defending that smoking is right] and the image denying it..

I could be horribly wrong in my perception...lol..

"

raj (sublime_ocean)

Given that it is written by a female and references a man (his), I'm not quite certain that is the case. Can you pick out a line and describe whether you think it works?

Scott

disguised as abstract. Little said is not solid reality, but the circumstance, where he is, makes it abstract.
I agree with Raj that this is a smoker in the mirror. The first "stanza" sets that premise. It could be something else, but once looked at from that perspective everything else simply falls into place.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

As I explained to Raj, I don't believe this to be the case, but I will wait to give my breakdown after everyone has had a chance to chime in.

Thanks

Scott

I've read this so many times. I can only make a guess.
I can see a man and a woman. May be a betrayed woman. She is "inflamed" with "sexual" desire maybe - that is referred to as "hunger" in the title, while her partner/lover is not responding to her desires.

Silence bounced out of his books.[of her lover's book]
Silence fell off his tongue [ of her lover's tongue]

Am I even close?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Yes. Keep going

Scott

"Do you like me?"
I asked the blue blazer.
No answer.
Silence bounced out of his books.
Silence fell off his tongue
and sat between us
and clogged my throat>>>>>>>>>>>>>>( animating silence as something that clogged her throat / slaughtered the trust / tore the cigarettes)
It slaughtered my trust.
It tore cigarettes out of my mouth.
We exchanged blind words,>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(blind words mean they quarreled?)
and I did not cry,
and I did not beg,
blackness lunged in my heart, (showing sadness time)
and something that had been good,
a sort of kindly oxygen, >>>>>>>>>>>>>> (Love at first was as oxygen)
turned into a gas oven.>>>>>>>>>>>> ( betrayal turned the oxygen as a burning oven)
Do you like me?
How absurd!
What's a question like that?
What's a silence like that?
And what am I hanging around for,
riddled with what his silence said? (getting at the end only silence at the end)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

I like I how you have approached this. Did breaking down this poem give any aid to you writing in the abstract?

Scott

As I understand it now, it is animating the inanimate and put life in things we always thought as non-living

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

VERY GOOD!!!! Look forward to your submission at the end

Scott

That's known as personification or prosopopoeia and is older than the hills in poetic years, it also used in good prose.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

After stating my above statement, I got this same thought, but it was already my sleeping time and I forgot to raise this point this morning.

I am sure that Scott has a good explanation for this.
Is it an area where abstract word and personification overlap?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

What can I say? Lessons in Hunger by Anne Sexton, reading this left me with a strong desire to tidy it grammatically, although I suspect that was not the primary intent of the author.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thoughts on what the imagery is portraying?

Scott

"Do you like me?" simple question
I asked the blue blazer. substitution of article for wearer
No answer. obvious
Silence bounced out of his books. Silence is pervasive
Silence fell off his tongue even his speech could not break it
and sat between us It became like a barrier
and clogged my throat. I could not speak
It slaughtered my trust. and was confused
It tore cigarettes out of my mouth. My cigarette dropped
We exchanged blind words, personified silence talked with me
and I did not cry, it did not cause tears
and I did not beg, or frustration
blackness lunged in my heart, my heart suddenly felt black
and something that had been good, good feeling
a sort of kindly oxygen, a gentle air
turned into a gas oven. became foul
the rest needs no explanation
Do you like me?
How absurd!
What's a question like that?
What's a silence like that?
And what am I hanging around for,
riddled with what his silence said?

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

This is a part of poetry I love. How life has shaped the way we each view words. How they captivate us (or not). Maybe it's just me and I read too much into things, but my imagination (to me and only me) is better than any movie and most books. This poem grabbed me on first read. It has never let me go. I feel like I could actually live in it.

Your take is different than the others. Different from mine. Maybe I'm just a poetry geek, but this is cool.

I will post my interpretation shortly.

Scott

I'll admit I have not had the easiest of lives, still live with degrees of pain but am not at all sure that any of that accounts for my being such a happy chappy. as Popeye always said "I am wot I am."

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

For me, this poem is about insecurity. The title is ambiguous until you read the poem and then it states to me that she is illustrating a life lesson that desires aren't always granted.

"Do you like me?"

A simple enough question, but to me it says a lot. This is not a conversation with a spouse or family member, but probably a lover whom she questions his motives or an acquaintance whom she would like to build more of a relationship with.

I asked the blue blazer.

This offers color and, again, a simple descript. But I read more into it. There is no need for a blazer to be worn at home so I envision them at a cafe, book store or coffee house.

No answer.

His lack of response answers the question.

Silence bounced out of his books.
Silence fell off his tongue
and sat between us
and clogged my throat.

Animating silence is an excellent use of abstract poetry. It creates an image for the "elephant in the room." His silence left her unknowing of how to respond.

It slaughtered my trust.

Her comfort level with him is longer present

It tore cigarettes out of my mouth.

Her nervousness at the situation lent her to chain smoking.

We exchanged blind words,

They looked into each other's eyes and proffered at what the other might be thinking

and I did not cry,

She did not dignify his "response" by showing her hurt

and I did not beg,

She didn't try to sell herself on him

blackness lunged in my heart,

Sticking with the smoking theme, she describes her pain

and something that had been good,
a sort of kindly oxygen,
turned into a gas oven.

Refers back to get trust level and how she no longer is comfortable around him

Do you like me?
How absurd!
What's a question like that?

She acknowledges her insecurity and perhaps regret at offering the question.

What's a silence like that?

Offers clarity in the respect that she may have misread the person whom she had offered trust

And what am I hanging around for,
riddled with what his silence said?

She realizes that her insecurity had kept her there despite his "rejection" and offers an opening to share her abstract emotion with the reader

Scott

I am happy I was that close.
I have to admit that I tried to find any analysis for the poem in the net, but the searching result was always nil.
Regardless of the author's intentions, I am well satisfied with yours so, thanks for the detailed analysis.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Hmm pretty good analysis of how Alvin and Rula have perceived the abstract part/s of the poem, yet it is not clear what the poet himself wanted to convey...hopefully Alvin will throw more light on that soon..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Please elaborate on what more you are looking for. I described the poem as being about an insecure feeling that one would have in this awkward situation.

Scott

It would be great if you break down the same way your reading for the poem.
I am sure you view won't be less interesting than Scott's and mine.
What do you say?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Did you mean my attempt at breaking down the poem or my breaking down? ..lol..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Sorry. Of course I mean breaking down the poem. You've mentioned earlier that you thought the poem is about a smoker, so it would be interesting if you illustrate a bit more.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Alvin I am not looking for anything more than how you and Rula have perceived the poem by breaking down the abstractness of the poem. I am in fact bewildered by the realization that I find both perceptions to be logical...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I think that Rula and my perceptions see really quite close. I just added more detail. Not certain if that is what your question was.

If you read my post above to Keith, that is what I love about poetry.what it means to one may mean something different to the next reader, especially when dealing with the abstract.

In the long run, it is the images the poem creates that have a potential for making it a lasting contribution.

Scott

Lessons in Hunger by Anne Sexton

http://allpoetry.com/Lessons-in-Hunger

"Do you like me?"
I asked the blue blazer.
No answer. (To me it sounds like the writer is frustrated with her lover)
Silence bounced out of his books.
Silence fell off his tongue
and sat between us
and clogged my throat.
It slaughtered my trust. (doubting her partner's feelings towards her)
It tore cigarettes out of my mouth.
We exchanged blind words,
and I did not cry,
and I did not beg,
blackness lunged in my heart, (she's more angry than despairing)
and something that had been good,
a sort of kindly oxygen,
turned into a gas oven.
Do you like me?
How absurd!
What's a question like that?
What's a silence like that?
And what am I hanging around for,
riddled with what his silence said?

Alid

am I hanging around for, riddled with what his silence said?

My thoughts are; "Why am I concerned with what he thinks, when his silence says it all?"
~ Gee

Comments and critique are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Excellent point, Gee. I like it

Scott

The velvet touch inside my heart
Stole tears from my star struck eyes
Tingles ran up and down my empty body
Thoughts fluttered as flags within my spirit

Was this the portrait of love stealing my will?
I was left as if tipped out of my secret self
There trailing behind me, my gathered memories
Your bronzed glow draped my mind in webs

Teach me of this whirlpool of your presence
Thoughts that have run away with my heart
Can I now work my dreams in truthful warmth?
That my spirit can once again become unchained.

I see you now in the vision of all my needs..

Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Right on, man. Keep it coming. This seems to be way out of your comfort zone, but a great read indeed.

Scott

The writing here is the things that rattle around, then I seem to have to go and write the usual pieces of mine.
If you like this style I can write more.
I think it is nothing to do with comfort, but to do with the reader, as you know the number of comment here on Neo have become rarer, I am not sure what the reason is but I will have to look into that side, if it means coming out of my comfort zone then so be it.
Thanks for your comment on this piece, I wrote it as an extra just before closing down for the night, lol
Take care young Bud and great to walk with you for a while, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

"Here is the definition we will be using
abstract poem, a term coined by Edith Sitwell to describe a poem in which the words are chosen for their aural quality rather than specifically for their sense or meaning"
For this workshop to be really useful, I've been finding it a bit vague, I would suggest that words are chosen for their aural and visual qualities and their prosodic context to specifically portray abstract meanings without using abstract words.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I don't disagree, but we needed to start where poets could get a hang for the abstract. We are progressing to that point. Later today I will post a "not so good" abstract poem with instructions.

Thanks

Scott

The following poem deals with abstract emotion, but it is fairly pain. Please re-write a portion (or all if you feel the muse) to make it more memorable. Remember that your word choice can be for sound and visual as much as content.
(Example
...Shadows (curtseying hens and cocks)
Pecking in the attic gloom
Tried to smother his tail-plume . . .
Till a cockscomb candle-flame
Crowing loudly, died: Dawn came.

Edith Sitwell))

Feelings of Abandonment

I keep looking for comfort from you
?I sit and wonder if your love is true?
You see me crying
?Inside you have to know I’m dying
?Don’t you see these tears?
Don’t you see the hurt from so many years??
The hurt, the pain and anger won’t go away
?I wonder who “loves me” and will turn their back today
?I can’t explain how I feel inside?
Feelings of abandonment rush in like the tide
?Ghosts haunt me no matter where I go?
I do love you still, that you should know?
The adult lives her life?
Taking on happiness, sorrow and strife?I
hope someday you’ll understand
?Someday I hope you’ll be here to comfort me and hold my hand?
(Angela Fernatt)

Looking forward to your submissions

Scott

in the example of the poem by Angela, I tried hard to find any abstractness but found it to be lacking any abstract...so please explain what this exercise is all about...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

The topic itself is abstract. The author is writing about an emotion.

Scott

Thanks Alvin for responding to my query...perhaps I am missing something...i still cant figure out why the subject ..as you say the emotion ...which here seems to me very clearly as of abandonment...can be termed as abstract...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

There is nothing physical about the emotion of abandonment. The words the author has chosen to describe the emotion are equally abstract except for a phrase here and there. The assignment is to rewrite a portion (or all) of the poem using the abstract imagery we have been discussing throughout the workshop. Let's make this pain poem memorable.

Scott

Okay Alvin,

I have made an attempt and posted one in stream "Rewind Mode"...let me know if it qualifies as abstract...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

What are those question marks at the beginning of some of the verses or are they typos?

raj (sublime_ocean)

The question marks are a formatting issue

Scott

I use a simple rtf editor which is fully compatible with this window.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

No, sir. It just came in that way

Scott

that a word processor uses invisible formatting instructions that become visible when the text is viewed by another editor.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

This was a simple doubler of the previous statement, which I can edit till the cows come home but can't delete.

I saw a swan. I never!
I saw a swan I said.
Can't I agree with me?
It sat upon my head.

Upon my head I saw it?
How really can that be?
If upon my head it sat,
would it not flatten me?

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Feelings of Abandonment
Seeking that heartfelt succour from your sight
Hoping my eyes hold your feelings true
Wondering if our hearts are so joined
I cry you see for lost days

my spirit is whirl pooling reaching out endlessly
My eyes defied your sight in hidden swells
Ages of heart wrenching from your ways
I hold your cruelty it is endless torment
How many others will turn away today without love.
Feelings flit and caress my tormented inside, why?
My lonely thoughts rush over my love in streams.
Eternal Spirits play where ever I journey
You still hold my loving heart bare and vulnerable
We live high as we grow in maturity
Joining in all things sent to our inner feelings
One day you will be with like mind
Then in the time allotted, you’ll be here to comfort me.
I love you!

Adapted from the poem by Angela Fernatt
Maybe too many words but it’s sort of abstract lol

Just an abstract look at an abstract piece please excuse the last three words it just felt right..
Why are some puzzled about abstract.
If it is a cake it is a cake, not some crumbling taste that absorbs time itself while piling on fat lol
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Wish to get some comments even if negative . Many thanks
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/queen-indifference-abstract-word-...

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

In the glimmer of light, that shines through
the East Texas pines, close to dusk,
I stand still aware of a whisper from an opening
that is allowing the light to shine through.
Who are you, I ask, while a million
electric needles pierce my arms.
“I am the light that is the last warm ray
on the first day of summer, sole proprietor of the sun
and holder of humankind’s destiny.
Don’t you know that just like this flickering fading light,
In a minute, it will be over and you will have
no memory of the darkness closing in.
So reap the magic moments that are like whispers in the night,
remember every brilliant flash that steals your breath away,
even though far away I can embrace you and hold the light
keeping the dark shadows at bay.”
Such is the essence of life, more memory than substance
and more fading light than brilliance!

In a moment life can change and magic
enter your heart silently healing
closing all wounds and hurts,
opening a vista of opportunity unknown
breaking the wall of fear and uncertainty.
Freeing your mind to believe and
accept a gift of love; life’s great surprise.
I speak of when two hearts find each other
seldom does it happen, loves gift like the
pierce of Cupid’s arrow swift, accurate and indelible.
Once so marked never to be erased
unlike a tattoo, todays mark of love, easily
removed and replaced with false hope.

but this Workshop has actually finished. There is a lot of valuable stuff in previous workshops at
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/find/archive
but a lot more from posting your poems directly to the Stream.
Workshop>Submit a poem

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.