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A Renga on Roses
They bloom to bring cheer
in wreaths shed silent tears
then are forgotten.
Such iconic life though short
shows how to deal with the thorns
A nice addition volunteered by Ian:-
Inside the rose bud
The perfume of feeling grows
My love is held so
So tightly within my heart
I know that she sees me there.
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Comments
IKnowNoBox
Tue, 2014-05-06 17:01
Bravo
I like the Tanka, and the Cinquen (sp). I have one Tanka I need to post soon. It is an Acrostic Tanka with tough subject.
Thanks for sharing,
Dabbler
raj
Wed, 2014-05-07 01:05
David
Thanks for your visit and comment. Good to know you liked it. Please do post your acrostic Tanka. As I have learnt while participating in a recent workshop conducted by Barbara A Tanka is a three liner 5-7-5 syllable sequence (Senryu) followed by a two liner, each line having a 7 syllable count. You may already be in the know of it.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
emeka ozurumba
Wed, 2014-05-07 05:13
epigram from something
epigram from something exceptional, very beautifully condensed imagery
raj
Wed, 2014-05-07 14:29
Hi Emeka
Thanks for your visit and comment. Will keep me inspired.
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Wed, 2014-05-07 13:20
Wonderful
simple and yet beautiful.Good job.
Alid
raj
Wed, 2014-05-07 14:30
Thanks Alid for stopping by
Thanks Alid for stopping by and your appreciative comment...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Wed, 2014-05-07 16:58
raj
this is beautiful well written. In "wreath a silent tear" seems to me 6 syllables rather than 7
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Wed, 2014-05-07 23:55
Barbara
thank you for your appreciative comment
I have made a small change in line 2 to make it 7 syllables....hope this works well now..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Ian.T
Thu, 2014-05-08 03:26
raj it's an age thing LOL
An addition to your Rose theme that is written well:-
Inside the rose bud
The perfume of feeling grows
My love is held so
So tightly within my heart
I know that she sees me there.
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
raj
Wed, 2014-05-07 23:57
Ian
Thanks for the visit and making a wonderful addition to the Tanka....I believe your comment was meant for me and not Alid :)
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Thu, 2014-05-08 11:53
you know what, Raj
if you add Ian's Tanka to yours, I think you'll get one helluva Renga.
Alid
raj
Thu, 2014-05-08 15:43
A good suggestion Alid.
A good suggestion Alid. Implemented. Thanks
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Thu, 2014-05-08 17:21
Raj,
you forgot to change the title. it's no longer a tanka, its a renga.
Alid
raj
Sat, 2014-05-10 02:21
Thanks Alid for pointing this
Thanks Alid for pointing this out..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Sat, 2014-05-10 03:24
Raj
you've inspired me to post a Renga here when I never believe I could do it before. Its entitled "Renga On Lost Wisdom". Do check on it and give me your comments, my dear friend.
Alid
loved
Thu, 2014-05-08 01:44
at times i feel
I should enroll
as a poetry student raj with thee
you are exquisite
I love roses with thorns too
and do you know
light can not be appreciated
without visual darkness
So roses and thorns
do complement each other
what value has a rose
when thorn is torn
loved
raj
Thu, 2014-05-08 15:40
Loved
Thanks for the visit and your nice comment / opinion about roses and thorns. Being a workshop it is a place to share and in doing that we learn. I am as much a student as I am pretty sure other amateurs like me are...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
loved
Sat, 2014-05-10 03:39
So am I
a mature
rather amateur
which only I know you may express
ur views too
loved
Lonnie
Sat, 2014-05-10 10:20
Hello once again, raj!
Very well-written piece! I am not too familiar with the style, but it seemed to flow nicely, and had some exceptional imagery to boot! Good reading you again, my friend!
raj
Sat, 2014-05-10 15:08
Hello Lonnie
Thanks for the visit and your kind words....good to know it worked for you...i always appreciate your visit...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)