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R
raj
May 06, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Renga on Roses

They bloom to bring cheer
in wreaths shed silent tears
then are forgotten.

Such iconic life though short
shows how to deal with the thorns

A nice addition volunteered by Ian:-

Inside the rose bud
The perfume of feeling grows
My love is held so

So tightly within my heart
I know that she sees me there.

— raj, May 06, 2014

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Critiques

I

IKnowNoBox

12 years 1 month ago

Bravo

I like the Tanka, and the Cinquen (sp). I have one Tanka I need to post soon. It is an Acrostic Tanka with tough subject.

Thanks for sharing,
Dabbler

R

raj

12 years 1 month ago

David

Thanks for your visit and comment. Good to know you liked it. Please do post your acrostic Tanka. As I have learnt while participating in a recent workshop conducted by Barbara A Tanka is a three liner 5-7-5 syllable sequence (Senryu) followed by a two liner, each line having a 7 syllable count. You may already be in the know of it.

Regards,

R

raj

12 years 1 month ago

Hi Emeka

Thanks for your visit and comment. Will keep me inspired.

Regards,

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

12 years 1 month ago

raj

this is beautiful well written. In "wreath a silent tear" seems to me 6 syllables rather than 7

R

raj

12 years 1 month ago

Barbara

thank you for your appreciative comment

I have made a small change in line 2 to make it 7 syllables....hope this works well now..

Regards,

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 1 month ago

raj it's an age thing LOL

An addition to your Rose theme that is written well:-

Inside the rose bud
The perfume of feeling grows
My love is held so

So tightly within my heart
I know that she sees me there.

R

raj

12 years 1 month ago

Ian

Thanks for the visit and making a wonderful addition to the Tanka....I believe your comment was meant for me and not Alid :)

Regards,

alidzain

alidzain

12 years ago

Raj,

you forgot to change the title. it's no longer a tanka, its a renga.

Alid

alidzain

alidzain

12 years ago

Raj

you've inspired me to post a Renga here when I never believe I could do it before. Its entitled "Renga On Lost Wisdom". Do check on it and give me your comments, my dear friend.

Alid

loved

loved

12 years 1 month ago

at times i feel

I should enroll
as a poetry student raj with thee
you are exquisite

I love roses with thorns too
and do you know
light can not be appreciated
without visual darkness

So roses and thorns
do complement each other
what value has a rose
when thorn is torn

R

raj

12 years ago

Loved

Thanks for the visit and your nice comment / opinion about roses and thorns. Being a workshop it is a place to share and in doing that we learn. I am as much a student as I am pretty sure other amateurs like me are...

Regards,

loved

loved

12 years ago

So am I

a mature
rather amateur
which only I know you may express
ur views too

L

Lonnie

12 years ago

Hello once again, raj!

Very well-written piece! I am not too familiar with the style, but it seemed to flow nicely, and had some exceptional imagery to boot! Good reading you again, my friend!

R

raj

12 years ago

Hello Lonnie

Thanks for the visit and your kind words....good to know it worked for you...i always appreciate your visit...

Regards,