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A Renga on Roses

They bloom to bring cheer
in wreaths shed silent tears
then are forgotten.

Such iconic life though short
shows how to deal with the thorns

A nice addition volunteered by Ian:-

Inside the rose bud
The perfume of feeling grows
My love is held so

So tightly within my heart
I know that she sees me there.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like the Tanka, and the Cinquen (sp). I have one Tanka I need to post soon. It is an Acrostic Tanka with tough subject.

Thanks for sharing,
Dabbler

Thanks for your visit and comment. Good to know you liked it. Please do post your acrostic Tanka. As I have learnt while participating in a recent workshop conducted by Barbara A Tanka is a three liner 5-7-5 syllable sequence (Senryu) followed by a two liner, each line having a 7 syllable count. You may already be in the know of it.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

epigram from something exceptional, very beautifully condensed imagery

Thanks for your visit and comment. Will keep me inspired.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

simple and yet beautiful.Good job.

Alid

Thanks Alid for stopping by and your appreciative comment...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

this is beautiful well written. In "wreath a silent tear" seems to me 6 syllables rather than 7

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

thank you for your appreciative comment

I have made a small change in line 2 to make it 7 syllables....hope this works well now..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

An addition to your Rose theme that is written well:-

Inside the rose bud
The perfume of feeling grows
My love is held so

So tightly within my heart
I know that she sees me there.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for the visit and making a wonderful addition to the Tanka....I believe your comment was meant for me and not Alid :)

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

if you add Ian's Tanka to yours, I think you'll get one helluva Renga.

Alid

A good suggestion Alid. Implemented. Thanks

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

you forgot to change the title. it's no longer a tanka, its a renga.

Alid

Thanks Alid for pointing this out..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

you've inspired me to post a Renga here when I never believe I could do it before. Its entitled "Renga On Lost Wisdom". Do check on it and give me your comments, my dear friend.

Alid

I should enroll
as a poetry student raj with thee
you are exquisite

I love roses with thorns too
and do you know
light can not be appreciated
without visual darkness

So roses and thorns
do complement each other
what value has a rose
when thorn is torn

loved

Thanks for the visit and your nice comment / opinion about roses and thorns. Being a workshop it is a place to share and in doing that we learn. I am as much a student as I am pretty sure other amateurs like me are...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

a mature
rather amateur
which only I know you may express
ur views too

loved

Very well-written piece! I am not too familiar with the style, but it seemed to flow nicely, and had some exceptional imagery to boot! Good reading you again, my friend!

Thanks for the visit and your kind words....good to know it worked for you...i always appreciate your visit...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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