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I-You-We-Us
when I becomes We,
there's a lot to gain for Us
the way I see You and You see Me
is crucial for Us
if You and I, can give n take a Wee bit
life is more harmonioUs
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Fri, 2018-08-17 06:55
Wow
that was felicitous. It goes for everytime.
Simply exquisite dear raj!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Rula
Fri, 2018-08-17 10:28
I've just
noticed the ending "harmonioUS"
This is a really a rich theme and yours is very inspiring.
Thank you for sharing this dear raj
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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raj
Fri, 2018-08-17 13:58
Hi Rula
thanks for your reading and good words...you are right there is a U in harmonious which is why i capitalized it to make it prominent...
the underlying message i am trying to bring out is that if nations in long conflicts such as Israel and Palestine find credibility in these lines perhaps there is a greater chance of resolving the conflict...I don't necessarily mean conflict between nations but also day to day conflicts between people and even trifles between partners..
i don't know if this message is getting delivered....
......................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Fri, 2018-08-17 14:04
the message
is general. It's applicable in many situations, but the situation is a bit quagmire in the case you mentioned about Palestine and the Israeli occupation. Imagine a minority to invade India. Would the indians ever live with them in peace?
If not for America to support it, Israel would never be existing till now
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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raj
Fri, 2018-08-17 14:08
Appreciate your thoughts ..
Appreciate your thoughts ...it would be applicable to similar situations is what i meant...giving Israel-Palestinian as an example...it would be applicable for even Indo-Pak for that matter...anyways it's just a thought though there are many other ramifications which increase the complexity...
........................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Fri, 2018-08-17 14:29
Bet you...
can boil it down to one simple sentence! "Do to others as you would have them do to you!" I loved the word-play and the pace went right along. Nice! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
raj
Fri, 2018-08-17 14:38
Thanks Geezer
for reading and the one liner...this is similar to that but with some more elements built into it...
thanks again..
...................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Sat, 2018-08-18 16:20
excellent
it is like
excellentUS
raj
Sun, 2018-08-19 05:32
Thanks Lovedly
for reading
..................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
lovedly
Sun, 2018-08-19 20:38
yes sorry for my inability to critique
a poet like
raj_ocean
my mission is to maintain
World Peace