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/\/\/\/\/\ [Unpoetic]

My thoughts don't walk straight line
they thrive on electrolytes
to purge the calm
transporting me into
asymmetrical zigzags

I prefer an elixir
to be bitter sweet
than bland

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

hello Raj

my thoughts don't walk a straight line
[shortest distance between two points] --- I think the definition is not necessary

a tinge of salt, a bit of sugar, ---- sugar is a bad electrolyte, salt is sufficient
make a good electrolyte ----- electrolyte is a beautiful word, but it can't modulate distance,
modulating the distance
in a zigzag line ------ if you say zigzag alone is sufficient

Maybe something like that?

My thoughts don't walk straight line.
Tears, a bit of salt and sugar,
make good electrolytes,
destruct the perfect calm
and force me into
turmoils of asymmetrical zigzags.

IRiz

thanks IRiz for finding time to visit this page...read and critique...i appreciate it....i will ponder over what you have suggested while doing the edits...

did you like the theme?
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raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

yes i did, it is just scientific terms that alerted me

IRiz

hope you noticed the changes I've made now
.................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

interesting changes, i did not mean to impose, have a good evening, my friend

IRiz

thanks IRiz for reviewing the changes...some prompted [not imposed] by you...
.............................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thank you

IRiz

please don't mention...my pleasure friend IRiz...
..........................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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