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/\/\/\/\/\ [Unpoetic]
My thoughts don't walk straight line
they thrive on electrolytes
to purge the calm
transporting me into
asymmetrical zigzags
I prefer an elixir
to be bitter sweet
than bland
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
IRiz
Fri, 2018-06-22 13:24
hello Raj
hello Raj
my thoughts don't walk a straight line
[shortest distance between two points] --- I think the definition is not necessary
a tinge of salt, a bit of sugar, ---- sugar is a bad electrolyte, salt is sufficient
make a good electrolyte ----- electrolyte is a beautiful word, but it can't modulate distance,
modulating the distance
in a zigzag line ------ if you say zigzag alone is sufficient
Maybe something like that?
My thoughts don't walk straight line.
Tears, a bit of salt and sugar,
make good electrolytes,
destruct the perfect calm
and force me into
turmoils of asymmetrical zigzags.
IRiz
raj
Fri, 2018-06-22 13:34
thanks IRiz for finding time
thanks IRiz for finding time to visit this page...read and critique...i appreciate it....i will ponder over what you have suggested while doing the edits...
did you like the theme?
......................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Fri, 2018-06-22 14:26
yes i did, it is just
yes i did, it is just scientific terms that alerted me
IRiz
raj
Fri, 2018-06-22 14:31
hope you noticed the changes
hope you noticed the changes I've made now
.................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Fri, 2018-06-22 14:47
interesting changes, i did
interesting changes, i did not mean to impose, have a good evening, my friend
IRiz
raj
Fri, 2018-06-22 14:50
thanks IRiz for reviewing the
thanks IRiz for reviewing the changes...some prompted [not imposed] by you...
.............................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Fri, 2018-06-22 14:54
thank you
thank you
IRiz
raj
Fri, 2018-06-22 15:02
please don't mention...my
please don't mention...my pleasure friend IRiz...
..........................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)