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Stretching wings (Let's Begin)

Program description/goal: 

Description:Exploring forms we don't usually use

Leader: scribbler
Moderator(s): geezer

Objectives:To get out of our comfort zones and try different forms

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: We will be posting poems in 3 different forms

Length: 
30 days
Number of participants (limit): 
15 people
Skill level: 
Date: 
Tuesday, July 20, 2021 to Friday, August 13, 2021
Short description: 
Posting the same poetry in 3 different forms

Comments

So how do we start?

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

discussion on the 3 forms of poetry we will be using

author comment

I know there are a Bunch of other forms but in this shop we will be dealing with only three: Traditional rhyming, free verse and Haiku. This covers about 90% of all poetry written here i think. So let's start out by defining what each of these forms is. Anybody want to define traditional Rhyming?

author comment

Rhyming is when you have words
Similar, when they are heard
Often found ending short lines
Paired, but not strictly confined

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
did you think for a pail of water
then how did hey come down
with a lovely daughter
and became talk of the town
wow poet don't frown
lol

Any body else want to add to this?

author comment

is pretty good. I would only quibble about "paired." The rhymes in my beloved triolet are more than paired.

The line that the rules are are not strictly confined to pairs. It would also apply to the rule that rhymes would come at the end of a line. ie, internal rhyming, front rhyming, alternated, etc.

Thomas.

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

often the rhyming words are separated by more than just few lines and sometimes entire stanzas. also in order to be effective (memorable) rhyming should be accompanied by at least a modicum of rhythm.

we will now await others who haven't weighed in on definition of traditional rhyming poetry. but in the mean time let's each post a single stanza of rhyming poetry which we know from memory. I'll start off.see next comment

author comment

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I--
I took the road less travelled by.and that has made all the difference.

author comment

There was a crooked man, and he walked a crooked mile,
He found a crooked sixpence against a crooked stile;
He bought a crooked cat which caught a crooked mouse,
And they all lived together in a little crooked house

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

but goody

author comment

make your own
why Frost quote
stan
eh

lack of confidence in my writing

author comment

Does the road wind up-hill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend.

and it uses my favorite rhyme pattern

author comment

Everybody post a rhyming poem on stream. Try to keep it under 24 lines if you can. Poem can be one you wrote or one somebody else wrote but be sure to credit author if using another's poem. also put (spreading wings ) next to title.

author comment

I'm late to the party, I will try to keep up from now on.
~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Better late than never. You aren't far behind

author comment

Born To Be Wild
I float upon stormy seas
Forever in my youth
Can't bring me to my knees

I'll ride the blustered winds
All my care-free days
Don't think of me a fool
I won't ever change my ways

I'll tame the ways of age
Figure out the road
Keep on jumping all around
Like Spring's hoppy-toad

So don't tell me to go slower
I just can't comply
If I say I will
Just figure it a lie.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

So let's begin by posting what each of you think a good definition of free verse is. i think that the actual advent of free verse was due to people becoming bored with the restrictions inherent in rhyming verse. So just post your thoughts on free verse both definition and reason for it coming about here below.

author comment

Free verse is writing in form that has no restrictions. It is usually a paragraph broken into line breaks so that it appears to be <form> poetry, but that's not really a rule either, I suppose. I think it's sort of meant to take away the distraction of rhymes and meter from the reader, (oops, I made a rhyme) so they can concentrate more on what the author is saying. To some extent, it flanks <traditional> form poetry that has become plain bad reading <(because many authors concentrate too hard on making rhymes than writing good poetry)> without the responsibility of writing good <traditional> form poetry.

In the future, when people will only appreciate and promote the refinement of human artistry, it will be noted as a movement that was part and parcel in the declination of the arts in general. hehehee

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

You think free verse is prevalent and came into being because writers got lazy?

author comment

for me personally to define it is to say that it is a form of writing that doesn't interest me. I may have written one, but I didn't consider it something worth pursuing since I felt lazy when I wrote it. I was simply outlining a subject's essence before going to work on it, lost interest and mothballed it., so, to answer your question, yes, it is lazier than traditional form poetry. It's prevalence is right there with cans of poop in visual art and pitch modified voice in music.
(I hope you don't ask what defines good free verse)

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

You will get a second chance at delving into free verse soon.

author comment

But from what I have seen called Free Form is mostly nothing more than lazy writing lazy writing defined as lacking the desire to gain skill and show talent.
Thanks,,

THE MARK
.
If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

Hmmmm......I wonder if I am being inaccurate in what I'm asking by not saying to define free verse. Perhaps I should say define Good free verse?

author comment

Good free verse could be simply described as the >essence< of good poetry. It's like studying a bucket of crispy deep fried chicken. Good traditional form poetry would be the taste and texture and satisfaction of eating a piece of it and imagining it plunging into the boiling oil, all covered with delicious herbs and spices, where good free verse would be only looking at it and smelling it.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

The difference between the two is fairly simple. What many pass off as free verse is simply plain prose chopped into verses. GOOD free verse employs poetic devices other than rhyme and is a pleasure to read. It is like comparing reading a news paper and reading ...say....Tolkiens Lord of the Rings. It employs vivid imagery, alliteration , often rhythm and now for the real shocker : It can even employ RHYME here and there usually to enhance a particular few lines.

author comment

were to ask me, early in my writing of poetry, about free-verse; I would have said the same: It is the lazy person's way!
However, I have come to believe that GOOD free-verse is as Scribbler has said; The difference between reading a Master's work and the newspaper, but the majority of free-verse writers today, are just taking the easy way out. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Now we will dip our toes into free verse. We will each post a single stanza of free verse using alliteration. Let's do this within a 4-6 line stanza.I'll start

author comment

the raft rushed through the white water
ricocheting off the rocks
filling all with their own fear
of death

author comment

Do we post it in the stream?
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

TOOLS (top bar)
pick "submit content"
pick "poem"
expand "workshop" ( below white text box for last few words)
choose the workshop it applies to.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

I only want entire poems from this shop to post on stream.Reckon I was not clear in my example

author comment

I posted my verse already...can you move it?

Never mind, I unpublished it..

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

and there would have been no problem

author comment

Were you to wail about whaling-tales
why would wily Ahab wound the "White Whale"
who would pull him from his ship's rail
with one sweep of his mighty tail? .
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

this exercise is supposed to be a free verse using alliteration. Go ahead and leave this up but it would be best for you to post a free verse.

author comment

Sorry, I forgot myself! will this do?

Ahab's aberration in chasing a wily white whale
cost the captain certainly,
more than his shattered ship
it sank his hopes
of fame and fortune
.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

I am hopeful that this section of this workshop will result in participants writing free verse which is NOT chopped prose. It is my belief that the best poets are those who can write in all forms well as each form can reinforce the writing in other forms. Western classic requires discipline in thought and expression. It also requires foresight in what one writes. This is a good thing in free verse writing. Free verse allows a bit more freedom of expression which can be lost in the restrictions of western classic. It thus tends to set a rhymer free in their expression. Haiku and Senryu require conciseness in thought and expression. Lord knows My stuff could use a bit more of this lol. It is also great at capturing snippets of observations.
So now you know my evil intent HEH HEH HEH.I am hopeful that you and those who are just "auditing" this shop will abandon your favorite form once in a while. It is my firm belief it will make you better in writing your favorite form.

author comment

I think the poem, Good Bones, by Maggie Smith is an example of good free verse. It is prose-like but not prose, with thoughtful, effective use of repetition of lines and form.

I read that poem a while back as part of an anthology

author comment

highlighting her golden girdle
soporific sunshine
slept...
for this age of waste was
in my eyes
as I wept

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

Now in your opinion was the slept wept rhyme there to emphasize this stanza?

author comment

...I don't imagine my reasoning would carry any valid argument. I can take it out if it's a problem.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

You loved me only in the Pampas
moving us east, then west, then east
my nails soiled and scratched from the silt
of deracination and detainment
then up north, north, north
the destination--Berrotarran

I had never heard or read the word "deracination" .Always good when a poet adds to his/her vocabulary.

author comment

Another thing that separates chopped prose from good free verse is imagery. Often it is imagery which draws in a reader and puts them right beside the writer in the poem. Imagery can loosely be defined as describing what the reader sees, hears, smells or tastes. So in this exercise lets tank a plain paragraph and add some imagery to turn it into poetry. Here is the paragraph :
I was walking along one day.I saw a woman in the distance. As the clouds parted she was illuminated by the sun.

Please post your transformation here not on stream.

author comment

I can't understand what you mean by "tank a plain paragraph" thanks

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

to assume that Scribbler means take, rather than tank. A mere typo. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Of course. Why didn't I think of that. Can never be too careful when dealing with poets...thanks

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

TAKE not tank

author comment

sandal dust rose
in the overcast affliction
of midday
I was reaching for rain
when
horizon born Calliope
touching clouds like a spear
appeared
her lustrous beauty
in an instance of blinding fire
ate my nakedness

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

Get you clothes on and I'll applaud but not before

author comment

I can appreciate your mirth, but there was no humour intended in the closing line.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

I really like this line "the overcast affliction/of midday." That is exactly how I find the summer. I am of a mixed mind about these Greek, or really, maybe any mythological or long-past cultural references. Part of me thinks they are off-putting (maybe trauma echoes from Pound's Cantos) and part of me is like, "Well, read the literature . . ." I don't know . . .

Yes, the reference to Calliope is merely a personification in that context. I could think of no contemporary names deserving of the role.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

Softly one, softly two
Softly, softly, falls the heel
On the mossy, needled floor
The fog was dense; it stank of sweat
And fear. She had come--She was near
Softly three, softly four
Softly, softly falls the hour
When the light dissolves the veil.
The breeze was still; twigs cracked like bone
And gunshot. Sighting her, his breath was hot
Softly five, softly six
Softly, softly, he slid the ring
And mouthed the words of the covenant
Softly seven, softly eight
Softly, softly the sunshower rained
Trickster clouds too far from view
Today her face only reflecting the sun.

illustration of a slow stalk for deer

author comment

this was a hillbilly wedding! Was it really about hunting?

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

However, the thoughts of this author were related to thinking about how the start of a relationship in which there ends up being substantial domestic violence often does not start that way.

My Hot Summer
I love the warmth of all fellows
we all are bi everyone knows
but hesitate to admit
science tells us we both sexes
have testosterone and oestrogen in varying proportion
that's why some guys are
beautifuller
than gals
and
some galls have the balls
bigger than many hollers up
after all

it's our summer on the beach
let's see who how far can reach
ultimately we will be in open arms
of lovers we beseech
don't you have your own likes and specialities

some guys like guys
and
many more galls likewise galls

let this summer lapse
then see who has a big tummy fairly
gals only
but we both need to contribute
to enjoy a happier summer
don't you

You might as well go ahead and join this shop

author comment

I'm always with you
age compels differently
I love poetry
and
NEO
Of course we two have known each other
the longest stan
thanks
I will always stand
as your right hand
u know

We've been through a lot over the years. Some bad but more good. Now back to the question...do you want to join this shop?

author comment

lovedly, come on..

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

A gray and sodden day
waves of jade green
topped with cream
Eyes strain
and brain considers
a distant form
Gulls pierce the clouds
and shafts of gold plunge to Earth
to glint from a wonderous sylph
adorned with ebon skin and pearly-whites
Man overboard

.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Free verse Part 2..Imagery

author comment

that's what I meant.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Fresh! It's unusual to see a fresh image for the sea. I do like this one: "waves of jade green/topped with cream." This poem is very visually striking. I'd get rid of lines 4-6 and consolidate its power. Ha! I just looked back and forgot we were supposed to note seeing a woman in the distance. So, I guess leave it in for the purpose of the workshop (but take it out for later ;))

I wish that I had thought to add some other sensory information, as did Stan. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

This line was a real clincher. I agree, your description of the sea and waves was very cool.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

I just thought to add the line, so to give the impression of how striking the scene was; that he was terribly impressed!
~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Walking down a lonesome country road
Mile from any house or home
On a day when storm clouds flee
as torn threads of blue become wider.
I look up and there I see
a sun spear illustrate the stage
in focus on a female form
which blinks on and then was gone.
I wonder was it real?
Then I get to where she was
and hear a field lark and
smell lavender.....

author comment

It's interesting how aggressive the sun is in all these examples: plunging shafts, spears, causing blindness! I especially like lines 3 and 4 with their sense of movement as well as the use of 3 of the 5 senses.

I like the idea of using the added senses, it makes for a nicer piece! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Now comes the fun part. i will assign each of you another's reming poem to turn into a Good free verse poem. Please post both the original rhyming poem on stream with the free verse below it. PS don't post until I assign you a poem and don't forget to put (stretching wings) next to title. Now for the first one..hmmm.....Geezer, please post Triskelion's rhyming poem converted to free verse. Everybody else feel free to continue the discussion while we wait.

author comment
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