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Stretching wings (Let's Begin)

Status: 
Program description/goal: 

Description:Exploring forms we don't usually use

Leader: scribbler
Moderator(s): geezer

Objectives:To get out of our comfort zones and try different forms

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: We will be posting poems in 3 different forms

Length: 
45 days
Number of participants (limit): 
15 people
Skill level: 
Date: 
Tuesday, July 20, 2021 to Friday, August 27, 2021
Short description: 
Posting the same poetry in 3 different forms

Comments

So how do we start?

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

discussion on the 3 forms of poetry we will be using

author comment

I know there are a Bunch of other forms but in this shop we will be dealing with only three: Traditional rhyming, free verse and Haiku. This covers about 90% of all poetry written here i think. So let's start out by defining what each of these forms is. Anybody want to define traditional Rhyming?

author comment

Rhyming is when you have words
Similar, when they are heard
Often found ending short lines
Paired, but not strictly confined

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
did you think for a pail of water
then how did hey come down
with a lovely daughter
and became talk of the town
wow poet don't frown
lol

Any body else want to add to this?

author comment

is pretty good. I would only quibble about "paired." The rhymes in my beloved triolet are more than paired.

The line that the rules are are not strictly confined to pairs. It would also apply to the rule that rhymes would come at the end of a line. ie, internal rhyming, front rhyming, alternated, etc.

Thomas.

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

often the rhyming words are separated by more than just few lines and sometimes entire stanzas. also in order to be effective (memorable) rhyming should be accompanied by at least a modicum of rhythm.

we will now await others who haven't weighed in on definition of traditional rhyming poetry. but in the mean time let's each post a single stanza of rhyming poetry which we know from memory. I'll start off.see next comment

author comment

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I--
I took the road less travelled by.and that has made all the difference.

author comment

There was a crooked man, and he walked a crooked mile,
He found a crooked sixpence against a crooked stile;
He bought a crooked cat which caught a crooked mouse,
And they all lived together in a little crooked house

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

but goody

author comment

make your own
why Frost quote
stan
eh

lack of confidence in my writing

author comment

Does the road wind up-hill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend.

and it uses my favorite rhyme pattern

author comment

Everybody post a rhyming poem on stream. Try to keep it under 24 lines if you can. Poem can be one you wrote or one somebody else wrote but be sure to credit author if using another's poem. also put (spreading wings ) next to title.

author comment

I'm late to the party, I will try to keep up from now on.
~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Better late than never. You aren't far behind

author comment

Born To Be Wild
I float upon stormy seas
Forever in my youth
Can't bring me to my knees

I'll ride the blustered winds
All my care-free days
Don't think of me a fool
I won't ever change my ways

I'll tame the ways of age
Figure out the road
Keep on jumping all around
Like Spring's hoppy-toad

So don't tell me to go slower
I just can't comply
If I say I will
Just figure it a lie.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

So let's begin by posting what each of you think a good definition of free verse is. i think that the actual advent of free verse was due to people becoming bored with the restrictions inherent in rhyming verse. So just post your thoughts on free verse both definition and reason for it coming about here below.

author comment

Free verse is writing in form that has no restrictions. It is usually a paragraph broken into line breaks so that it appears to be <form> poetry, but that's not really a rule either, I suppose. I think it's sort of meant to take away the distraction of rhymes and meter from the reader, (oops, I made a rhyme) so they can concentrate more on what the author is saying. To some extent, it flanks <traditional> form poetry that has become plain bad reading <(because many authors concentrate too hard on making rhymes than writing good poetry)> without the responsibility of writing good <traditional> form poetry.

In the future, when people will only appreciate and promote the refinement of human artistry, it will be noted as a movement that was part and parcel in the declination of the arts in general. hehehee

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

You think free verse is prevalent and came into being because writers got lazy?

author comment

for me personally to define it is to say that it is a form of writing that doesn't interest me. I may have written one, but I didn't consider it something worth pursuing since I felt lazy when I wrote it. I was simply outlining a subject's essence before going to work on it, lost interest and mothballed it., so, to answer your question, yes, it is lazier than traditional form poetry. It's prevalence is right there with cans of poop in visual art and pitch modified voice in music.
(I hope you don't ask what defines good free verse)

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

You will get a second chance at delving into free verse soon.

author comment

Hmmmm......I wonder if I am being inaccurate in what I'm asking by not saying to define free verse. Perhaps I should say define Good free verse?

author comment

Good free verse could be simply described as the >essence< of good poetry. It's like studying a bucket of crispy deep fried chicken. Good traditional form poetry would be the taste and texture and satisfaction of eating a piece of it and imagining it plunging into the boiling oil, all covered with delicious herbs and spices, where good free verse would be only looking at it and smelling it.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

The difference between the two is fairly simple. What many pass off as free verse is simply plain prose chopped into verses. GOOD free verse employs poetic devices other than rhyme and is a pleasure to read. It is like comparing reading a news paper and reading ...say....Tolkiens Lord of the Rings. It employs vivid imagery, alliteration , often rhythm and now for the real shocker : It can even employ RHYME here and there usually to enhance a particular few lines.

author comment

were to ask me, early in my writing of poetry, about free-verse; I would have said the same: It is the lazy person's way!
However, I have come to believe that GOOD free-verse is as Scribbler has said; The difference between reading a Master's work and the newspaper, but the majority of free-verse writers today, are just taking the easy way out. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Now we will dip our toes into free verse. We will each post a single stanza of free verse using alliteration. Let's do this within a 4-6 line stanza.I'll start

author comment

the raft rushed through the white water
ricocheting off the rocks
filling all with their own fear
of death

author comment

Do we post it in the stream?
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

TOOLS (top bar)
pick "submit content"
pick "poem"
expand "workshop" ( below white text box for last few words)
choose the workshop it applies to.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

I only want entire poems from this shop to post on stream.Reckon I was not clear in my example

author comment

I posted my verse already...can you move it?

Never mind, I unpublished it..

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

and there would have been no problem

author comment

Were you to wail about whaling-tales
why would wily Ahab wound the "White Whale"
who would pull him from his ship's rail
with one sweep of his mighty tail? .
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

this exercise is supposed to be a free verse using alliteration. Go ahead and leave this up but it would be best for you to post a free verse.

author comment

Sorry, I forgot myself! will this do?

Ahab's aberration in chasing a wily white whale
cost the captain certainly,
more than his shattered ship
it sank his hopes
of fame and fortune
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I am hopeful that this section of this workshop will result in participants writing free verse which is NOT chopped prose. It is my belief that the best poets are those who can write in all forms well as each form can reinforce the writing in other forms. Western classic requires discipline in thought and expression. It also requires foresight in what one writes. This is a good thing in free verse writing. Free verse allows a bit more freedom of expression which can be lost in the restrictions of western classic. It thus tends to set a rhymer free in their expression. Haiku and Senryu require conciseness in thought and expression. Lord knows My stuff could use a bit more of this lol. It is also great at capturing snippets of observations.
So now you know my evil intent HEH HEH HEH.I am hopeful that you and those who are just "auditing" this shop will abandon your favorite form once in a while. It is my firm belief it will make you better in writing your favorite form.

author comment

I think the poem, Good Bones, by Maggie Smith is an example of good free verse. It is prose-like but not prose, with thoughtful, effective use of repetition of lines and form.

I read that poem a while back as part of an anthology

author comment

highlighting her golden girdle
soporific sunshine
slept...
for this age of waste was
in my eyes
as I wept

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Now in your opinion was the slept wept rhyme there to emphasize this stanza?

author comment

...I don't imagine my reasoning would carry any valid argument. I can take it out if it's a problem.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

You loved me only in the Pampas
moving us east, then west, then east
my nails soiled and scratched from the silt
of deracination and detainment
then up north, north, north
the destination--Berrotarran

I had never heard or read the word "deracination" .Always good when a poet adds to his/her vocabulary.

author comment

Another thing that separates chopped prose from good free verse is imagery. Often it is imagery which draws in a reader and puts them right beside the writer in the poem. Imagery can loosely be defined as describing what the reader sees, hears, smells or tastes. So in this exercise lets tank a plain paragraph and add some imagery to turn it into poetry. Here is the paragraph :
I was walking along one day.I saw a woman in the distance. As the clouds parted she was illuminated by the sun.

Please post your transformation here not on stream.

author comment

I can't understand what you mean by "tank a plain paragraph" thanks

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

to assume that Scribbler means take, rather than tank. A mere typo. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Of course. Why didn't I think of that. Can never be too careful when dealing with poets...thanks

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

TAKE not tank

author comment

sandal dust rose
in the overcast affliction
of midday
I was reaching for rain
when
horizon born Calliope
touching clouds like a spear
appeared
her lustrous beauty
in an instance of blinding fire
ate my nakedness

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Get you clothes on and I'll applaud but not before

author comment

I can appreciate your mirth, but there was no humour intended in the closing line.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

I really like this line "the overcast affliction/of midday." That is exactly how I find the summer. I am of a mixed mind about these Greek, or really, maybe any mythological or long-past cultural references. Part of me thinks they are off-putting (maybe trauma echoes from Pound's Cantos) and part of me is like, "Well, read the literature . . ." I don't know . . .

Yes, the reference to Calliope is merely a personification in that context. I could think of no contemporary names deserving of the role.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Softly one, softly two
Softly, softly, falls the heel
On the mossy, needled floor
The fog was dense; it stank of sweat
And fear. She had come--She was near
Softly three, softly four
Softly, softly falls the hour
When the light dissolves the veil.
The breeze was still; twigs cracked like bone
And gunshot. Sighting her, his breath was hot
Softly five, softly six
Softly, softly, he slid the ring
And mouthed the words of the covenant
Softly seven, softly eight
Softly, softly the sunshower rained
Trickster clouds too far from view
Today her face only reflecting the sun.

illustration of a slow stalk for deer

author comment

this was a hillbilly wedding! Was it really about hunting?

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

However, the thoughts of this author were related to thinking about how the start of a relationship in which there ends up being substantial domestic violence often does not start that way.

well, I liked the counting out between the action lines.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

My Hot Summer
I love the warmth of all fellows
we all are bi everyone knows
but hesitate to admit
science tells us we both sexes
have testosterone and oestrogen in varying proportion
that's why some guys are
beautifuller
than gals
and
some galls have the balls
bigger than many hollers up
after all

it's our summer on the beach
let's see who how far can reach
ultimately we will be in open arms
of lovers we beseech
don't you have your own likes and specialities

some guys like guys
and
many more galls likewise galls

let this summer lapse
then see who has a big tummy fairly
gals only
but we both need to contribute
to enjoy a happier summer
don't you

You might as well go ahead and join this shop

author comment

I'm always with you
age compels differently
I love poetry
and
NEO
Of course we two have known each other
the longest stan
thanks
I will always stand
as your right hand
u know

We've been through a lot over the years. Some bad but more good. Now back to the question...do you want to join this shop?

author comment

lovedly, come on..

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

A gray and sodden day
waves of jade green
topped with cream
Eyes strain
and brain considers
a distant form
Gulls pierce the clouds
and shafts of gold plunge to Earth
to glint from a wonderous sylph
adorned with ebon skin and pearly-whites
Man overboard

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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Free verse Part 2..Imagery

author comment

that's what I meant.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Fresh! It's unusual to see a fresh image for the sea. I do like this one: "waves of jade green/topped with cream." This poem is very visually striking. I'd get rid of lines 4-6 and consolidate its power. Ha! I just looked back and forgot we were supposed to note seeing a woman in the distance. So, I guess leave it in for the purpose of the workshop (but take it out for later ;))

I wish that I had thought to add some other sensory information, as did Stan. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

This line was a real clincher. I agree, your description of the sea and waves was very cool.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

I just thought to add the line, so to give the impression of how striking the scene was; that he was terribly impressed!
~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Walking down a lonesome country road
Mile from any house or home
On a day when storm clouds flee
as torn threads of blue become wider.
I look up and there I see
a sun spear illustrate the stage
in focus on a female form
which blinks on and then was gone.
I wonder was it real?
Then I get to where she was
and hear a field lark and
smell lavender.....

author comment

It's interesting how aggressive the sun is in all these examples: plunging shafts, spears, causing blindness! I especially like lines 3 and 4 with their sense of movement as well as the use of 3 of the 5 senses.

I like the idea of using the added senses, it makes for a nicer piece! ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Now comes the fun part. i will assign each of you another's reming poem to turn into a Good free verse poem. Please post both the original rhyming poem on stream with the free verse below it. PS don't post until I assign you a poem and don't forget to put (stretching wings) next to title. Now for the first one..hmmm.....Geezer, please post Triskelion's rhyming poem converted to free verse. Everybody else feel free to continue the discussion while we wait.

author comment

Arrow, please post scribbler's rhyming poem converted to free verse. Post on stream with your conversion posted beneath the original and don't forget to put (stretching wings shop) beside title

author comment

Will do

time to produce a Good one

author comment

I think everybody is getting bored. So while we await this exercise being completed let' everybody pull out a free verse poem they wrote themselves and post it on stream with the (spreading wings) thing next to title. These poems will be of use later

author comment

An exercise on personification? Or other device?

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

We are not even half done here yet. We will cover some things most people never even thought of lol. But if you want to put personification or any other device in any poem you post here feel free.

author comment

I'd like to hear back from ya'll whether I am moving the shop too slowly or quickly.

author comment

with the pace of the workshop. I don't know about the rest of the group.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

for the reply

author comment

even a rough draft, I don't think it could move any more quickly than a day or two for the writing.

I was worried folks were getting bored

author comment

Geezer, please take Arrow's rhyming poem and turn it into good free verse. Be sure to post the original on stream with your free verse version below it and remember to put (spreading wings shop) next to title

author comment

Let's all post a poem which tells a tale (a narrative) on stream. Put the usual shop thing next to title and try to keep it under 24 lines. Any form you wish

author comment

PleaseTake Geezer's rhyming poem and change it to a free verse .Place his poem at top of page and put your free verse version below it and don't forget to put (stretching wings shop) next to title so all participants can find it easily

author comment

please take Triskelion's rhyming poem and change it to free verse.

author comment

Anybody want to give their definition of a Haiku?

author comment

Is originally a Japanese form. Western variations often refer to them as haikus or haiku poems, of which neither were intended labels. Haiku is the proper form of the word in both singular and plural cases. As well, westernized forms distort the original rules somewhat and usually generalize the basic rules as having three lines incorporating a 5-7-5 syllable count and often, a title, which has been accepted by the majority of people who write them.
There are some other rules also, but someone else can outline them.

*side-note- I personally would like to see writers use more discipline when writing them.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

One deals with nature, the other deals with people. The non-Haiku is a Senryu. There is one other thing about Haiku not yet covered............

author comment

Stretching wings workshop (rhyming exercise
a man thought he'd find some repose
boarding crows in his very large nose
but he's mad when they litter
for they don't have a shitter
he's bitter they shit on his toes
yes, his shoes are a mess
you could certainly guess
he’s depressed more or less and it shows
so it’s cleaned with a scraper
and wadded up paper
it's a caper of state that he knows
the offending affair
only lends to despair
people stare everywhere that he goes
he complains to the birds
"I AM COVERED IN TURDS!"
the poor man with the crows in his nose

I will post a free verse version later tonight

author comment

I like the form and the work is something you really have to think about. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

It will be Very challenging for sure.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

requirement for good Haiku?

author comment

to do with being oblique? ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

The last line needs to have at least a minor twist

author comment

When do we start? ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

the Haiku we post will be based on the rhyming poems we lack posted

author comment

own rhyming poem on stream with the usual (stretching wings) next to title . Please post the rhyming poem beneath the Haiku version

author comment

assignment as being the end of this shop. BUT I recently had an idea float into my empty head by which all the assignments could be tied together if ya'll are willing to endure another week or two of torture. Holler on this thread if you are willing........stan

author comment

I love challenges.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Me too. Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

which few people use heh, heh,heh

author comment

I developed a new form of poetry a while back in which the actual form of a poem gradually changes to fit the "mood" of the poem. The change ,ideally, is gradual enough to nearly be unnoticeable. Here is an example of such:

Widow's Retreat

At sixty years
the telephone
bringing bad news late at night

An accident
on his way home
mad dash to the hospital
....too late....

The daze
of death certificates
coffin choices
hushed sad voices
busy work
then finally

alone

For almost all her life
she's been a part of someone else
a teenage girlfriend
mother...
wife

Now the kids are grown and gone
as expected, as should be
but facing even one more day
or cold nights for eternity?

She maintains her brave fascade
rehearsed words and false cheer
while secretly she questions God
for putting her through such a trial

So inwardly her spirit drifts
to a place which she calls Avalon
where lovers never endure rifts
a place of warm eternal dawn

Where everyone stays seventeen
where tears of loss are never shed
where the leaves are always green
as on the day when they were wed

You'll often see her sitting there
as she travels in her rocking chair
eyes closed, a small smile on her face
to Avalon, her favorite place
We will be using this form but it will be expanded to a level I've not yet used before. But that comes later. Right now let's use either the rhyming poem you wrote and morph it to free verse or the free verse and let it morph to rhyme. As usual post on stream with (stretching wings, morphing exercise) next to title.

author comment

add content to our selection?

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

but we need to all try and keep our poems fairly short to make it easier on the other participants

author comment

my morphing poem! ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

and post it on stream with the usual (stretching wings) next to title

author comment

Let's all post a morphing form of the rhyming poems we posted. Be sure to put (morphing exercise) next to title

author comment

Due to comp problems I've been off line the last 3 days. I will try to catch up by sometime tomorrow. i Did see Trisk ask if there is a baseline for morphing poetry. Although there is No formal baseline the change should be gradual and never happen completely within a single stanza. If done well the change should be almost un-noticed.

while i catch up ya'll can go ahead and start thinking about a very concise introduction stanza for your morphing poem. DO NOT post it until I call on you

author comment

for the final exercise? So far we have gone over free verse, rhyming, Haiku and morphing. Now, of course the morphing covers free verse and rhyming. Now for the last exercise we are going to post the free verse and rhyming via a morphing poem but to begin the poem we will post an introductory haiku. You Do Not have to use any poems already posted in the shop unless you want to. This poem should be posted on stream with (workshop final exercise) next to title. Now let really bear down and make people wish they'd joined the shop lol..........stan

author comment

..as I'll ever be.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Everybody can proceed with posting if they are ready but there is no rush

author comment

perfectly. By giving me your feedback on what I could have done better and even if I did something right I can use this to make future shops better. So thanks in advance and post your critique below.....stan

author comment

the mystery approach you took with this workshop. It added an element of challenge as it advanced through each step. I can't comment on the speed it advanced since many people wouldn't have the time on their hands like I do, so overall, I liked it and thanks for the challenge.

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

it moved even slower due to comp problems and being off line 3 days

author comment

It (double post) :)

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

it went well, although we had a few people drop out. I think they just weren't up for the work it took to complete it. Too bad, their loss. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

you

author comment
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