Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Stretching Wings Workshop (rhyme to free verse)

This is the Geezer's rhyming poem

Born To Be Wild
I float upon stormy seas
Forever in my youth
Can't bring me to my knees
I'll ride the blustered winds
All my care-free days
Don't think of me a fool
I won't ever change my ways
I'll tame the ways of age
Figure out the road
Keep on jumping all around
Like Spring's hoppy-toad
So, don't tell me to "Go slower"
I just won't comply
If I say I will, my friend
Just take it for a lie

My FV version (with any apologies for misrepresentation)lol

I snub you
Old Man Winter
I'll never know your face

I kick the leaves of fall
False harbinger!

I'll devour you with my tongue, summer
...so deliciously tanned

I am born of spring time
When cowering plants emerge
When rains lash the primal seas
And the wind strips the crests from the towering waves
Blustering wonderfully!
You are fools in time's whirlwind
Subdued and riddled
With the sands of age
I swim in Rage!
I am the Sage!
I am a recalcitrant TOAD!
And I am made to HOP, POP!
I won't give in
Friend, just you watch

I'll say I'll lay
But, lie

Thomas

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Let me know if any part can use clarification or improvement or change. Especially you, Geezer. Thanks
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

what gee has to say

I think you should have kept the three lines after "I am born of Springtime", in the present tense, instead of delving into the past.
Otherwise pretty good!
~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

absolutely right. I'll have to watch for that in the future. Thanks.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.