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Sail Away...[Stretching Wings, Morphing exercise]

Air too thick to breathe
Changing skies alter the view
Squirrels chatter hide hide

Too long in the sun, says she
Why don't you come inside?
No, I'll just lie in the yard
Contemplating clouds and imagination

Dark glasses and darker drinks
Captain Morgan sweating root-beer
Slippery grip spilling icy drops
A little feeling of cheer

Eyes shaded by a blocking hand
Sipping straw gives cooling brew
I think I'm very far from land
When I hear the Captain's crew

And so I gather up imagination
The Captain has sailed away
My wife is calling me from my vacation
I've had a sunny sailing day

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

It gathered pace as the sails snared a warm breeze.

obi.

the last three stanzas have the same rhyme scheme. Idealy only the last one or at most 2 should have it. But the poem was enjoyable so that's a good thing

[ I decided rather than rework the last four stanzas, I would delete the offending ones.] I think it still works, does it?
~ Geez.
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Sail Away is enjoyable verse as i began to imagine the characters involved. It's just like one minute video clip in my imagination. You handled your literary devices like a creator. Your poetic devices are very strong and they stood erect in the poem.
There are alternate rhyme scheme pattern that falls in the stanzas.

I affirm that you're a good!

Onyinyechi Cosmos

I'm glad that you enjoyed this poem. ~ Geezer.
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However I wondered why you left the first stanza in three line, and the rest in four?

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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put a Haiku before the morphing part.
~ Geez.
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nice work, then!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Okay, You're excused!. LoL You weren't in the workshop!
~ Geez.
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