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The Way Fall Came

First the wind of Fall was soft
Not strong at all, but just enough
To tell the birds to go

It trickled in like coming rain
Did not suffice to drink the plants
But just enough to sow

First the wind of Fall was soft
Yet soon it was a whole new gust
That rustled every bough

First the wind of Fall was soft
And though it was the way it came
The Fall is Winter now...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


Personally, I find rhyme-schemes can run the risk of sounding derivative, but I like this. My favourite line was "Not strong at all, but just enough. To tell the birds to go." It seemed beautifully melancholic. As if a portrayal of a necessary, yet valid sadness. I would recommend, however, that you play around with the addition of stanzas to possibly draw us further into this world, and also the number of repetitions of the initial line. Is there a reason it begins three of them yet not the other? Whilst saying this, I really enjoyed the piece, and hope to see more of your work in the future.


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