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When Summer Wanes
In mulling 'bout the season's gifts
Say, plums and sun and all its gain
Thinking it will never end
The season that shall never wane
Sitting near a Redbud shrub
Shielded by this summer tree
A bird collecting all his friends
And picking them from every tree
The squawking gulls; I hear them say
"It's cold and so it's time to fly..."
The endlessness of seasons ends
Summer, now, is turning shy...
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Fri, 2017-11-03 14:15
Nicely structured
and vivid imagery.
Basya, I notice you have not given any feedback to anyone else since you joined Neopoet. I strongly recommend that you start doing so. The more you give the more you get and it helps you with your own craft thinking about and responding to other people's poems.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry