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"I'm Sorry, Leaves, This Autumn Season"
I'm sorry, leaves, this autumn season
In marching on for no good reason
I do not dodge your fallen friends
From foliage, now dry with rends
I do not halt, or say "Alas!
I shan't just step on leaves and grass!"
I know that men this autumn spell
Have miffed you much, your colors tell
Please be tender, don't be curt
For men don't know you may be hurt
I'm sorry, leaves, this autumn season
In stepping without rhyme or reason...
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Sun, 2017-02-12 17:46
your poem
I like your poem. Very nice use of rhythm and language and I often like work in rhyme which you did really quite well here.
I just think you can go a bit further in exploring the souls of these dead leaves you are "treading" on.
I want to know a little more about them, why you feel you are intruding on them. How that relates to something in your life.
Small thing: I don't like "I shan't" In USA it's not used, too archaic. Maybe it's used commonly in other English countries....but it stands out here for me.
Thanks for offering this poem!
Keep at it!.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Basya
Tue, 2017-02-14 16:33
Thank You!
Thanks for reading, (and commenting)! Perhaps... if inspiration will find me again some day...
About 'shan't': I actually don't want to sound contemporary, as i prefer archaic mood... If you have ever read any of my other works, the rustic feel is prevalent there, as well... But, i guess that;s just your personal preference... Thanks again for reading!
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