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I Thought The Summer Was Young
I thought the summer was young
And the blossoms had barely just bloomed
And the tunes of the season still hung
Yet it suddenly left us and now we are doomed
I thought that the summer began
It’s smells had just wafted right through
But the season has picked up and ran
And the leaves have descended in every fall hue
The summer it never was young
It aged long before it appeared
It wilted before it had sprung
And it long so has gone; disappeared ...
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
lovedly
Mon, 2019-08-26 15:37
be it summer autumn or winter maybe rainfall or snow
all are as young
as you want em to be
reading your poetry
I feel vitality
summer is slowing going into sleeping mode
let it
AUTUMN IN CANADA
is mostest lovely
come and see
just enjoy its exquisite beauty
medes879
Mon, 2019-08-26 16:50
Kind Thoughts From Poem
Really hits home to all unknown parts. Awake to the tenndency to dream to sing a tender song. As the tender lying of the fawn out on the lawm. Words that breath a nostalgic portion in its meaning. You have created a charming presentation to its flow. First off i like the line pattern to this remarkable piece. Words can uplift these are touching that you exhibit. Further, you have given a chance for the reader to breath. Let go of any harm that may come up. Very deep piece you got here. Lastly, you covered all bases very good. Poet Mario William Vitale First off you have used a great deal of grammar that is simplistic to taste. I liked the flow. Further, you have grown in your work as an artist type poet. Really liking your work. Words of nicely woven linguistic terms. Fashioned in a great experience type work you got here. Try reaching out to your fan base it may surprise you."
Mario Vitale
Patricia
Tue, 2019-08-27 20:36
Gorgeous poem
I liked everything about this poem. The imagery, the rhyme, and the title were all perfect. It was just plain lovely. Thank you for a beautiful poem.
B9Pat
Eumolpus
Tue, 2019-08-27 21:06
A few thoughts
like the timeless position of the poem , a universal anywhere/any age type stance. I have two considerations:
First the word doom (a bit forced with bloom.) it's a very heavy word and needs clarification.
Being old is not necessarily to be doomed, (as summer was young, and what follows is...old?). What are we doomed to become?
and I rarely think ending a poem with dots (...) serves the poem well, and I think it is more a distraction here as well. It's too conversational in a non conversational poem.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings