Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

December Doldrums

December doldrums befall each year
With April showers nowhere near
And many a pumpkin scattered 'round
By the welcome of the polar bear

The soil taciturn, a'snooze
My boots have long replaced my shoes
A grey ground squirrel in random bound
And many more of winter clues

The hearth with logs; we light it oft
She's baking apples 'till they're soft
December with its voiceless sound
That resonate across our croft

A sweater out of beaver wool
With not a lone berry to hull
And smell the dim and dread around
With not a single, squawking gull

December doldrums at its best
Lingers on each mountain crest
Matter not the barren ground
I will go take a winter rest...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Yeps! I'm well aware that I kind of missed the boat with December in hindsight... But i knew you guys would read anyways! It's about a man dreading the onset of winter, and thus the ending; "I will go take a winter rest" in other words, No patience for all this stuff, leave me alone, wake me when spring is here... Enjoy, and tell me what you think...;)
Editing stage: 

Comments

Can relate to the theme, I just
want to curl up with a blanket and
sleep through all the cold weather,
my wife loves it ...

Nice rhythm expressed within, but
the last line seems to be missing one
beat. The only other niggle I had was
the use of "bear", although it fits very
well with the theme, it doesn't rhyme,
just made me pause on the first read.
On the second read, it worked but I
still thought there was one beat missing
in the last line ... or maybe I'm crazy,
maybe they are all right (joke, they don't
deliver well on the net)

Thank you for sharing and giving us
the opportunity to read and comment,
it is such an uplifting experience for both
the comment-er and the author (hopefully).

Richard

writing has a bouncy verve to it...
women in hood here
housing with combined straight
rentals.....brick steep roofs
narrow twisting lane through
reminds me of england of edwardian
vintage..new design 92'
wealth...although many went under
getting this place finished..
typical north money grab with fed backing
but at least it got finished..why i like this
town..city..
anyway....locals here...no fireplaces..
but many bake...many women are looked
after by their men
had to turn down a blueberry cheesecake
i had just hauled in from local timmies across
bridge a flat of donuts...oh we like sweets..
we wait for spring...sitting beneath out little
first floor porches and traingular garden
boxes to fuss with the plants....enjoying
the longer days till sundown past nine
but now..winter reigns....been frosty past
few days again...snowing again...trails filled
in....but sidewalks not puddle strewn or slushy
mix atop due to the weather change
biking which i do when my bikes work...i just
plow through all this to save money by not
taking bus..my back..pack covered in gravel
salt dirt....i did visit people with pellet stoves
woodstoves...nothing like wood heat and
the odd with real functioning old school fireplaces
although many converted to gas and glass....
snow machines are for those with tons of money
and hours...they fish on the lakes and run the
trails north....when there is enough snow like
this year those expensive toys are great fun
my chum has em and oft i remember riding
with him...course his were fast....nothing to
do a hundred five miles an hour across
the groomed trails on miles long lakes
etc.....
spring will arrive soon enough...rains...warm
weather cold nites.....bare ground and the
rise of plants..birds return..etc..

excellent poem not bemoaning winter
but its adventure in surviving like other
poets here..

thank U!

W

Hello basya! I like your poem. It put me in touch with some good things about a season that is quickly becoming one of my least favorites for many reasons.
I see you used the word 'smell' and I suggest that you remove it and work something related to the idea. You know I'm sure, the idea of showing instead of telling. I know you know from the rest of the poem.

the stench of dim and dread...??
maybe..

Later,

~
Mark L.
It's not the pace you race but the race you pace.
~
Please know our community guidelines:
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
~
Please look into a premium account.
https://www.neopoet.com/premium

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.