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The Unseen Soldier
[Sacrifice]
with a lingering kiss, may be his last, he waves goodbye
on firm foot steps, he marches on, may be never to return
leaving behind a wife of two years with a baby bump
with a host of treasured moments in the family album
[bravery]
what drove him on this checkered path
with life and death squares to cross
a right step holds a victory clap
while the wrong one a casket?
[fate]
if luck deserts him he gets lost
to end up as a prisoner of war
enduring most hellish treatment
to safeguard his mother land
[wounds]
the wounds he carries back to home
are deeper than can meet the eye
they bleed within and clot his soul
till its time be in the scroll of scores
[selfless]
those who put their lives on line
to guard the lives of country men
not just in times of bloody wars
but even in times of catastrophe
[irony]
what do they receive for their deeds
merely a day in three sixty five
for the martyrs who laid their lives
figureheads in the annals of time
do we pause even for a while
to feel what it is really like
for their family, kith and kin
for whom the war is never won?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Thu, 2018-05-17 04:37
Dear raj
you don't stop amazing me. When you write about military memories, I feel like you're in the right comfortable zone.
Part of me like the subtitles in the brackets, while the other part prefers keeping it without them. I understand that you chose to put them as the poem has some separated thoughts?
Still don't want to enter the contest? Wondering.
I really can't chose a favorite verse or stanza, each is a gem of its own.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Thu, 2018-05-17 14:26
Thanks for the read and
Thanks for the read and comment Rula. The words in parenthesis are to draw attention to the various aspects of a soldier's life in the background we tend to miss out
As for entering the contest big NO
...................................................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Thu, 2018-05-17 13:31
I now think
you are an outcome
of MILITARY Ink
Thank thy father
will ye
for having produced a soldier
like thee
may you be awarded
for your military poetry
if you have a bird's eye view
you may like to edit it
only a bit
before you make a
MARTYR OF ME
dare to be on such
lovely verse
commenting
raj
Thu, 2018-05-17 14:21
Thanks for the read and
Thanks for the read and comment Lovedly
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentlovedly
Thu, 2018-05-17 14:36
and dear Raj_sublime
I just posted
my one pence
u may screen
and
make it a tuppence
at least
chevyvent
Thu, 2018-05-17 15:31
Great flow of words
Oh my goodness.... how beautiful is this!!! Such lovely imagry and flawless flow. Bravo!
Hey brilliant poem and anecdotes too. Of the poem, very descriptive, the reader can feel the tension, the terror, the sadness and then the tomorrow could/will happen again
Brilliant work here
Great flow of words
Mario Vitale
raj
Thu, 2018-05-17 15:41
Thanks for the read and
Thanks for the read and comment Mario
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2018-05-17 23:18
Hi raj
I don't think I've seen a poem written like this before. But by giving each section a semi-title it removes any ambiguity as to the writer's message........stan
lovedly
Fri, 2018-05-18 00:19
Stan
neither eternity
nor CREATIVITY
has any limits
Raj is as wide and deep
as is the ocean
upon which he resides
'tis BOMBAY
A place which NEW YORK APPEARS
to replicate
have you seen it
I have been around the world now
7 to 14 times
here and there
raj
Fri, 2018-05-18 05:35
Hi Stan
Hope you are recovering well after the surgery. Appreciate the time you have taken to read this and comment.
I am now confused if I should retain the texts in parenthesis preceding each stanza or get rid of it. The idea was to bring clarity about what is beyond what we see about life of a soldier..
......................................................................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2018-05-18 11:16
I was
just making an observation not suggesting the titles be removed. Knee still hurts like the dickens but it's getting a bit better every day. Thanks for asking
raj
Fri, 2018-05-18 13:15
You are a brave guy. Take
You are a brave guy. Take best care...
regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment