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Turnstile the tipping point
someone keeps entering
or leaving
through the turnstile
on which side of the turn
the soul finds its way
is destined to be
it's beginning of an end
or an end of the beginning
on either side of this threshold
on one side
an adventure to explore
earth, air, water, sky and fire
the other to embark
on an expedition
of immense probabilities
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Comments
chevyvent
Fri, 2018-07-06 21:39
First, you have eyes to see very great and potentially fantastic
First, you have eyes to see very great and potentially fantastic poetry. This remarkable piece really makes you think a bit. Further, as if a sculpture would create a piece. Your remedy is in check with thoughts provoking premise intact. I was drifting halfway down maybe that's just me ? I picked up the pieces and really valued this exquisite piece. Lastly, overall i don't see and flaws but rather enjoyed the meaning of this grand poetic endeavor. You hit the ball out of the park with this one. Thank you kindly, Poet Mario William Vitale
Mario Vitale
raj
Sat, 2018-07-07 05:12
Thanks Mario for the read and
Thanks Mario for the read and comment. Good to know you liked it.
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Sat, 2018-07-07 08:15
Hi Raj,
Hi Raj,
Nice poem.
Small thing,
Immense probabilities
sounds wrong to me.
It just means certanty.
It looks like on both sides there are similar things.
Maybe there is an exploration of self versus the world, is it what you wanted to say?
IRiz
raj
Sat, 2018-07-07 13:14
Hi IRiz
appreciate your finding time to read this. Good to know you find this to be nice.
By exploration on the side of life I meant exploring world to the fullest possible which is why I have mentioned those five great elements [water, fire. sky.....] whereas on the other side [after life in this world] it are so many unknown things hence I used expedition and immense improbabilities...does it now make it more relevant? please let me know your thoughts about this..
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentgregwa8
Sun, 2018-07-08 00:38
an interesting poem full of
an interesting poem full of mystery and possibility. the tangible versus intangible, the seen versus what might to be seen. turnstile, which seems like a metaphor for death, is great.
greg
raj
Sun, 2018-07-08 04:45
Hi Greg
thanks for the read and your comment...yes on one side are tangibles [element] while on the other are intangibles...turnstile is not a metaphor for death but between life and after life...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Sun, 2018-07-08 01:59
Hello raj
an interesting use of the turnstile as a divider between the two lives. But I thought maybe you need to think of a better alternative as the turnstile might let you in and out for an unlimited number of times, however the same can't be said in the case of the two lives,( just what I thought).
I liked the uplifting thought of what you are anticipating in the afterlife and how you've left the door ajar for the reader to think over it.
Thank you for sharing.
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Rula
Sun, 2018-07-08 02:13
A second thought
If the whole thing is meant to be read as a travesty (which takes the poem to a different level, I think the turnstile as a metaphor works well.
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raj
Sun, 2018-07-08 04:50
Hi Rula
thanks for the read and comment...i would like to say that normally one can enter and leave the turnstile several times...but here I have used it as a tipping point between the tangible [elements] constituting life and the intangibles on the side of afterlife....who knows if there is life afterlife the soul may re enter through the turnstile...
yeah...it's good to be optimistic isn't it?
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commenttyro
Sun, 2018-07-08 05:11
A nice metaphor, and I agree
A nice metaphor, and I agree with your conclusion, there is far more wonder and possibilities on the spiritual side of the turnstile.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
tyro
Sun, 2018-07-08 05:27
on one side
on one side
an adventure to explore
earth, air, water, sky and fire
the other to embark
on an expedition
of immense probabilities
You asked about the relevance of, immense probabilities. I did not have a problem with on first read, but now I noticed the stanza above.
the first ( earth, air, water, sky and fire) talks about physical things.
the second, (immense probabilities) speaks of spiritual things, and spiritual things are always abstract, because they are outside of the restraints of time and space: now that would be immense probabilities
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
raj
Sun, 2018-07-08 06:09
Hi Tyro
thanks for reading and commenting. You have captured the spirit of the poem while reading the lines. I may add here that this poem is not just about human beings but all earthly beings having a soul which thrive on the five great elements ...and yes on the spiritual side there is so much abstract so it's like venturing on an expedition...
good to know you liked this scribble...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
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