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Tortured by Love
Fresh crimson runs down my chest.
Lacerations you made
using my own words
turning them towards me,
using them like weapons
sharp as serrated steel.
I can find no way to recover,
you keep slicing into me
over and over again
inverting my emotions,
assigning me
as my own worst enemy.
You’re a scavenger
methodically picking at my wounds.
Not capable of fending off your attacks
I watch horrified, helpless
as you rip tender exposed skin
tearing pink flesh from my bones
dropping tattered pieces on the ground to decay,
you leave me burning
hemorrhaging and naked in the sun.
Loreli
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Sat, 2010-12-04 14:35
Dear Loreli
just to let you know how effective this write is...this gave me goosebumps...
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Loreli
Sat, 2010-12-04 14:54
Thank you Raj
I wanted to try something a bit darker than I usually do...I am glad I was able to convey that to you!
I always appreciate your input.
Peace,
Lori
author commenthippiepoet69
Sat, 2010-12-04 14:38
powerful write
I have felt that knife. And they slowly twisted it. And pour salt on it before the leave. Take Care. huey
Loreli
Sat, 2010-12-04 14:58
Wounds do heal!
Thanks Huey, I was feeling a bit vulnerable and hurt...obviously, at the time. I am usually not so dark in my descriptions, but wanted to try. Thank you for reading and commenting on this!
Peace,
Lori
author commentDalton
Sat, 2010-12-04 19:07
Thanks for sharing
This one feels like the response to a violation. I'm sorry you had to experience that. But something good came out of it at least like this poem. Perhaps it may teach other girls to get out fast before the worst happens. Good write, John
Loreli
Sat, 2010-12-04 21:46
very perceptive..
this was a response to several episodes in my life, most unfortunately were beyond my control. Thank you John for reading and responding to this poem, I appreciate your comments! I would be very pleased if what I write helps others.
Peace,
Lori
author commentLoreli
Sat, 2010-12-04 21:53
Thank you Rosina
You know, I almost always write from my own experiences and this is no exception. I am glad you were able to feel the emotions I had at the time. It even surprised me how dark it became....
I am so pleased you liked it, I was worried about it being too dark. I know it will not be everyones cup of tea! Thanks again my friend!
Love ya,
Lori
author commentscribbler
Sat, 2010-12-04 21:54
love
Sharp words from the one we love cut deeper than any knife can. Well written.............scribbler
Loreli
Sat, 2010-12-04 22:06
I appreciate that!
I thank you for reading and commenting on this one! Emotional abuse is a soul killer if you let it. I am happy to say I am no longer in this situation, and hopefully a little bit smarter about who I spend my precious time with!
Peace,
Lori
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2010-12-05 10:30
Dear Lori
How delicious to view it from the victims view point! This is wonderful writing! On the other hand, I hope you are not too scarred from this experience and are healing nicely. There is much to be learned from our bad experiences, too.
always, cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Loreli
Sun, 2010-12-05 10:36
Thanks Cat!
I am so honored that you think so. I have healed, which is why I can now write about it. No matter what has happened in my life, good or bad, it has shaped me into who I am today, and I like that person! Thank you again Cat for taking time to read and comment.
Peace,
Lori
author commentmagics02
Sun, 2010-12-05 10:32
Sharp contrast
This imagery in your piece of work talks of abuse of words torn through the flesh indeed. It is what alot of us have experienced in our life time one way or the other. It is good for you to write it out as those words will soften their edges and someday they will be nothing but words not infecting our soul. I know as I have also lived this and have let those words blow to the wind and the feelings they once brought to my very being. Great descriptive writing you have displayed here.
Miss you and Blessings to you and your family this Holiday Season
With love to you
Mona
xoxo
Loreli
Sun, 2010-12-05 10:51
Thanks for your kind words
Dear Mona, I am glad you stopped and read this. There were many years in my life where I didn't feel I was deserving of better treatment in a relationship. I know better now. I no longer will allow others words to cut me so deeply.
thank you for all your postive encouragment since I have gotten to know you through Neopoet! I have missed you also!
Peace to you and yours this Holiday,
Love,
Lori
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