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Longing to Leave

I long to disappear
I have no strength to fly

fold my wings and dive
deep below the cresting waves

let the rip tide pull me
leaving all anguish
leaving desolation

cradled in cold
no longer weighted
my mind quiet at last.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Once again...Thank you to Jess for the edit!
Editing stage: 

Comments

I know you and I share a similar struggle.....
I hope this finds you in a better space than I am at the moment! Thanks for your very generous comments.

Lori

author comment

I do know what you mean, thanks my friend. I know there is light somewhere...I just lose sight of it and let the darkness take hold. Mostly I am very good at hiding it from those in my life, however because of this it comes out in my writing. I will be okay, and I know you will be also. Take care of you....xxxxxx

Lori

author comment

the anguish and resignation are perceptible in this write...may those waves you plunge into wash away those feelings and enable you to come out with renewed vigor and strengthen your wings to make the most of this life you are blessed with...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank for your beautiful message to me. It made me feel very blessed indeed to have you as my friend here on Neo. You should make that into a poem, it was very inspirational, you have such a gifted way about you. I will come out of this....I always do, and yes I have many things to be thankful for.

Lori

author comment

it is so good to know your resolve to get through the troubles into sunshine and rain

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I read this a more a yearning for freedom from always striving than resignation. Goes to show what i know lol.....stan

That is what is so great about poetry...we all interpret (sp?) things differently! Thanks for commenting.

Cheers, Lori

author comment

but read the rest aloud and hear the jarring of the language.
It's mostly the line
leaving all anguish and desolation
perhaps instead

leaving all anguish
leaving desolation

and maybe
no longer feeling weighted
no longer weighted

and
my mind finally quiet
my mind quiet at last

just some ideas, read them aloud, it is the final test of all poetry.
It is a beautifully expressed sentiment, just a little work and I think it could be great.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I like the changes, they do make it flow more easily. Will make the changes soon. Appreciate as always your suggestions.

Lori

author comment

it is your poem
your vision
don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
I am never offended if my suggestions are not taken.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

But I do feel the poem is better thanks to you! Good to know though that you wouldn't be offended if I didn't take your suggestions, lol. I still do feel it is my poem...just better.

Cheers back at ya,
Lori

author comment
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