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Soul Assassin

Submitted by Loreli on Tue, 2012-05-08 09:53

Purposefully striding forward
condescending
you do not greet me
with affection
or love.
Destructive
stored up frustrations
take aim at me
from the weapon
that resides in your heart
and shoots from your mouth.
Coldness
condemnation
your only form of interaction.
Relentless disapproval
meant to reprimand me
like a child
and with it
an attempt to steal my joy.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
A recent visit with family.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Tue, 2012-05-08 12:15

Candlewitch's picture
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I get that you are writing of a cold and calulating person. I can relate to this because I have just eliminated once such as you speak of from my life. Your words gave me the shivers in remembering. Good work! I love the title. It fits.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Nordic cloud

Tue, 2012-05-08 13:07

Nordic cloud's picture

A lovely burst of anger expressed well.
How we who have experienced such, sympathise,
I was so lonely, but not quite the same,
no abuse, no communication at all,
I don't know what's worse.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

judyanne

Tue, 2012-05-08 15:36

judyanne's picture
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lovely to see you

a wonderful write
great word usage
‘purposefully striding forward' so sets the pace and feel of the write – very powerful

I just love the alliteration in coldness, condemnation – the c sharp staccato to suit the concept

the only suggestion I have is that you divide it into stanzas at the beginning of every trait - purposefully, destructive, coldness, relentless…
that way the reader takes time to digest each comment

favourite part
the end
‘Relentless disapproval
meant to reprimand me
like a child
and with it
an attempt to steal my joy’

great to read you again
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Esker

Tue, 2012-05-08 23:32

Esker's picture

"that resides in your heart
and shoots from the mouth"

sit and take it>... the old ways
not anymore
everyone now has a voice
that put down
the squash y our soul days
grinding to an end for some

take back your power
your worth

why let a thorn steal against your soul
the dour mirth

rise up from that
tall proud strong
and run it back to where it belongs

incredible poetry here
thank You

scribbler

Wed, 2012-05-09 17:06

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Had been wondering what happened to you. I also have known people who seemed incapable of anything but disapproval.I agree that the only thing I see to change is to maybe break this into stanzas. At the same time it may well have been your intention to let the unbroken flow of lines mimic the relentless condemnation...........stan

alidzain

Sun, 2014-04-13 23:20

alidzain's picture

Love this poem. Good job.

Alid

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