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Liar

You aren't here
Strong arms to hold me
are absent.
So I wear your shirt
as my comfort.
I am not a part
of your world
though you are here in mine
your presence always
constant in my mind.
I like to say
I'm not waiting for you.
I like to say
I'm not hurting for you.
I like to say
I'm your friend and it's okay.
I'm a liar
in the worst way.
I am consumed by love
for only you.

Lorelei

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

let me not say dreary , for all the personal pronouns used, it becomes impassive and impersonal

Thank you for your comment Emeka. I will reconsider them....as I see your point.

Lori

author comment

Its been a very long time, I hope life is being good to you.
I like this very much. Poignant, desperate, and achingly honest.
Most excellent.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Thank you Jim. Life has been filled with many changes for me since I was last here. You are correct, this poem is a very honest and desperate reflection of one of those.
Very nice to know that you are still here on the site!

Cheers!
Lori

author comment

This just reminded me of one of my works here: "A Liar - that's me" so I HAD to let you know :-)
I love the honest feel in this little write up.
Cheers,
S.

Keep smiling, keep shining.

Welcome back! It's so good to see you again after a pretty long lay off. Neopoet site crashing for a while once again has sort of been like a blessing in disguise because I see many members who have been silent come back. I believe some sort of email sent out to all members has been a reason to bring them back. I am eager to read your poems. Start posting them.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks Samaira! I'll have to look yours up :-) Thanks for telling me about it!

Cheers,
Lori

author comment

Hey! it's so good to see you back and posting your poem. Like others have said before me i too liked the honest expression of feelings....please keep posting...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for visiting my little poem. Have missed reading all my friends work, especially yours! Thanks for the encouragement as always :-)

Cheers,
Lori

author comment

Put the shirt on inside out and walk ion the fresh breeze it will let the memories flow away and then you can start off with a new day.
There are so many like spirits out there they will be known to you if only you would open up your thoughts.
Liked the write though not enough passion in there for such a loss, so maybe it wasn't that bad now you can look back at it ???
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

What can I say? To me this piece reminds me of my past when I had a failed relationship. Outside I'm telling myself I'm fine but I was a wreck inside. When I read this, its a very accurate description of that time in my life when I'm very young and naive. It also tells me that I'm no longer that person. If I have a failed relationship, it will hurt but I know that its just another phase in life, another lesson to learn. The more you strive to get something, the more you will value it when you have it in the end .Thanks for sharing.

Alid

its like a beginning..
like me daydreaming out the window
on the bus
watching everything
but not focused..not there..
then seeing something
that draws me slow
like a roller coaster peak
..
what? what? moment...

i like the ending...honest
denial has a thousand faces
but that character for this
poem..

i wanted to see this person

great poem

i see my poems now...there should be a comma behind honest..
i was expecting the poem to just describe betrayal
a closure and pain..ache and the angst..
but instead the honesty..

the love
the want
the longing

\i listen to Labrynth Ear..Navy Light.. pop tune
its obsessively catchy and about obsession
..so social consious that a large clothing chain
ran it for awhile for shirt advertisement
and i pronounce this ad ver tizz meant

thank you

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