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Soft Whirlwind
Feels like a soft whirlwind
Caught in the space between
The instant I see your face
Till I finally taste your smile.
Seems only moments ago our hearts joined
And feels like years plus a day
Since I heard your enticing voice
Sensual and low next to my ear.
Anticipation dances on my lips
Quivering blood rushes in my veins
Empty arms reach forward
Restless to feel the impassioned heat of your skin
Our bodies’ essence unites
Hands and fingers adhere to each other
Legs and arms cling together in celebration
Erasing all emptiness our parting had rendered.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Loreli
Fri, 2011-08-26 08:59
Thanks Rosi
That is exactly what I was going for...glad it came across! Will change whirlwind to one word!
Thanks so much!
Lori
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-08-26 07:45
Too personal
Love poems need to express the human condition.
But nicely written
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Loreli
Fri, 2011-08-26 09:04
Dear Jess
Thanks for your comments, guess I am a bit perplexed here. You said it is too personal and then tell me I need to express the human condition. I was writing about missing someone and the excitement of being with them again, is that not how it feels to miss someone you love and a part of the human condition? I suppose I am missing your point and need you to explain it to me a bit more?
appreciate your help.
Cheers, Lori
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2011-08-26 09:22
The point is, you wrote about love.
That is not the humane condition. It is the least valueable theme in poetry. Adolesent or old age lovely comfort.
Love is pheronmes and cultural sterotypes. Some time peole say just so much sense.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Loreli
Fri, 2011-08-26 20:52
Dear Lonnie
Thank you so much, I appreciate your saying so!
Cheers,
Lori
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