Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Lemonade Breeze

Evening sighs
seducing my warm latte summer skin
fragrant dreams dance
floating ribbons through pink grapefruit sky.
Honey hued eyes gleam
in the moonglow
my strawberry lips surrender
sweet nectar that drips off your tongue.
Waves of delight melt into steaming sand
as cotton candy foam
I drink in your laughter
light as a sparkling lemonade breeze.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome back, it's been awhile, good to see you posting work again.

I love this write, you got me with "my warm latte summer skin"...my fav.

Two things,

should the word "seduces" be "seduce", since "Evening sighs" are plural?

and that word "like" (I hate the word like!):

imo

"fragrant dreams dance
floating like ribbons through pink grapefruit sky."

"fragrant dreams dance,
floating ribbons through pink grapefruit sky."

and

"Waves of delight melt into steaming sand
like cotton candy foam"

"Waves of delight melt into steaming sand
as cotton candy foam"

or something like that; just my opinion.

Your poem shouts of summer and desire.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

You are so correct, I thank you for your suggestions, I will make changes ASAP! Should it be.. seducing? I will take out the word like...it don't really "like" it either! LOL

I appreciate your warm welcome back!

Lori

author comment

I'm not averse to the word "like' as long as not used too often in same write. I read this sensuous write and saw where I might have done a few things differently, but not better lol.............scribble

...as to what you would have done differently, LOL! Thank you to taking the time to read and respond, I am glad you "liked" it! HEHE

Lori

author comment

Thank you sweetie! I was so nervous to post this! It was a bit different than anything I have done before, so glad you enjoyed it! I really did have fun while writting it, and I am usually always full of giggles, LOL!

Good to see you also, plan to get reading everyones stuff soon, feel like I have missed soooo much!

Love ya,
Lori

author comment

smooth as a baby nectarine...plum good
fluid rhetorical integrity
very soothing....and tasty

Al

I am very pleased you enjoyed this! I was hoping that I could capture the taste of it adequately... I am so humbled by your words, thank you again.

Sincerely,
Lori

author comment

good to see you again...

i loved this line "light as a sparkling lemonade breeze"...to me it sums up the mood extremely well...

raj (sublime_ocean)

good to see you also! Wrote this in the dead of winter when I was daydreaming about growing up on Lake Michigan and how it felt with one of my teenage crushes....
Thank you so much for stopping by to comment.

Lori

author comment

prepare me for my trip to the beach this next week. I hope my time there will be as sensual as your poem.

vexations

I hope you have a terrific time and get to enjoy some romance!

Lori

author comment

I hope the whole thing didn't melt....lol. Thanks for the welcome back and especially thanks for stopping by to comment and making me laugh!

Lori

author comment

Thank you so much! I really have missed being on here and reading everyones work. I have not been writting much of late which is why have not been on, plus just plain busy!
So glad you and other have enjoyed this little rememberance of a "summer at the lake teenage crush" !

Lori

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.