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Thrill Pill [April Contest]
For far too long my nascent poems
have frosted upon my lips
craving to jump out of the window
for shedding their winter chills
they want to dress in Cherry Blossom blooms
swirl with the breeze and swing with the bees
meet their Robin in the meadows
then roll on the pubescent greens
Yes, they want to feel adrenaline again
pumping through their dormant veins
dance on goose bumps on naked feet
and play hide and seek with the Sun
Between the lines of my nascent poems
is a box full of crayons
craving to paint my naked skin
in hues and shades of Spring
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
Rula
Mon, 2018-04-09 02:59
Absolutely awesome dear raj
a creative take of the season, left me wandering between wonderment and deep thoughts but sure not away from spring.
Thank you for such an enchanting piece.
A 'thrill Pill' indeed.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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raj
Mon, 2018-04-09 06:04
Thanks Rula
for the read and your comment. Good to know you liked it...
Warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Mon, 2018-04-09 15:22
dear Raj
I see you are still actively editing and I wonder what is the purpose of the shorter lines in the second and third stanzs. Trust me I'm asking to learn, no more no less. :)
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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raj
Mon, 2018-04-09 15:56
Thanks Rula
for revisiting this page and your comment. I never realized that those lines you mention are short...do you mean that they are shorter in syllabi or words?
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Mon, 2018-04-09 16:20
Rula
I read aloud those two stanzas again (2nd and 3rd) and feel that I need to shorten the 2 stanzas to achieve a smoother flow...do you agree?
....................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentpurple-hobbit
Mon, 2018-04-09 16:46
Wow
I love the imagery and personification of your words :)
Not all those who wander are lost - JR Tolkien
- Tyjana :)
Rula
Wed, 2018-04-11 02:07
hello raj
I think you've done great work with the edits.
Sorry for being late in replying or giving any suggestions, but you don't need the help .
I wish you the best. :)
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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raj
Wed, 2018-04-11 14:16
Good to know Rula that you
Good to know Rula that you liked the edits..
..............................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Wed, 2018-04-11 16:53
If only I know
What pills you get when you write, what is your inspiration source... your word's choice is really great!
I really like this spring piece.
PS. I wonder if you've intentionally capitalized the word 'sun'
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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raj
Thu, 2018-04-12 05:46
Thanks Rula for revisiting
Thanks Rula for revisiting this page and your appreciative words.
I haven't intentionally capitalized S in Sun...i think i should scale it down to lower case. Thanks for pointing it out.
Warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment