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Strike two Trochaic pentameter

Strike two Trochaic pentameter

Workshop critique: The Bottom Line
SI-lence | SCRATCH-ing | SNOW-y | BRANCH-less | FOR-est
WIT-ness | GLOW-ing | SCREECH-ing | EYES are | GROW-ing
GUN-shot | ROARS in | DIS-tant | BAN-shee | CHOR-us
SOUNDS as | LOUD as | REAP-ers | COM-ing | GO-ing

RON
Blue Demon77

What I want to be is what I was before the knife, before the bed,
before the brooch pin and the salve fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind.

The Eye-Mote Sylvia Plath

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Well done!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Now come the true beasts: Dactylic Hexameter and Anapestic Hexameter (I know I may not be required to go that far, but I want to, I feel I owe it to myself).

Thanks again!

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

tetrameter, I believe. You will be more than satisfied if you get it correct that far.
Keep up the good work!
I trust your talent and industriousness

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

That's a relief. I'll see how it goes. I've been trying to do relatively decent poetry (failed on the Trochaic, I think) and hope to do the same with the next two forms. Not only the correct meter, but a poem that adds up to a real meaning. Here's hoping!

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

I don't care if the quatrains are nonsense words ala Carroll. As long as you grasp the meter I am ecstatic.
This one is perfect Ron. Do not fear The "D" and "A" words... they cannot harm... okay, they can really screw you up bad, but it's all for the purpose of growth.
"Don't hurt what you can't kill".

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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