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Trochaic pentameter-Ron for Bottom Line workshop

Silence deafens growls under the forest
Witness glowing screeches of red eyes
gunshot roars squeak out in banshee chorus
The sound of wolf howls crooning lullabies

Ron

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Hello Ron, I've parsed your lines here so that you can see where do some feet go off the trochee meter.Hope it makes sense to you. Please let me know what you think.

first line
SI-lence| dea-FENS| GROW-ls |UN-der| the fo-|rest  (half a foot so many)

Second line
 WIT-ness| GLOW-ing| SCREECH-es| of RED |EYES  ( half a foot needed)

Third line
 GUN-shot|ROARS SQUEAK| out in BAN|-shee CHORUS|

Fourth Line
 The SOUND| of WOLF |HOW-ls |CROON-ing| LU-lla-BIES (Started with iamb + half a foot too many)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I agree with most of what you've put and have re-written and submitted a new version. The only thing that baffles me is that I've always used GROWLS as a single syllable but in your parsing, it is given two syllables.

Thanks for the help!

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

It has two vowel sounds=two syllables and you can always double check a dictionary.
This's a dialct thing , I believe.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Punch the first syllable and you will hear it. I'm on my phone, so it's hard to say more right now. Really "punch" them.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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I tried applying the "PUNCH" as you put it. I find that I often impose emphasis through doing this. It was like you said when I was parsing the Keats, Shelley, and Shakespeare. I used to be able to do this almost without thought but this is clearly an area I need to revisit.

Thanks,

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

SI-lence | SCRATCH-ing | SNOW-y | BRANCH-less | FOR-est
WIT-ness | GLOW-ing | SCREECH-ing | EYES are | GLOW-ing
GUN-shot | ROARS in | DIS-tant | BAN-shee | CHOR-us
SOUNDS as | LOUD as | REAP-ers | COM-ing | GO-ing

RON

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

Perfect Trochee throughout.

And even a halfway decent poem to boot (not like my silliness).
Go on to Dactyl and remember it doesn't have to be Pentameter. It is used predominately in conjunction with Trochee, but try to write a full quatrain in Dactyl Trimeter or Tetrameter.
It also doesn't have to rhyme (which would make it a "Tetrastich") (I know... too many big words).

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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