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Silver Moon
The hammered silver moon
upon a night sky hung
fairy wings and midnight dreams
of cotton candy spun
imagination wanders
to a land far beyond
and there we'll meet
on distant plains
where pain and strife are none
If I could make you whole again
it would be my greatest pleasure
For within every friend is found
the deepest of all treasures
and even though I know you not
cherished hopes are all I've got
to give to you to hold
till the sun is hung in pure gold
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
For three very dear friends
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
North Carolina
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allen Poe, James Patterson, Dean Koontz, Leonard Cohen
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Comments
Candlewitch
Tue, 2012-02-14 12:44
Dear Chrys,
How delightful! *Claps hands and smiles with glee. I love a poem that includes the moon and sun within. What a lovely wish. Your generosity of spirt is to be admired! My favorite lines:
f I could make you whole again
it would be my greatest pleasure
For within every friend is found
the deepest of all treasures
and even though I know you not
cherished hopes are all I've got
to give to you to hold
till the sun is hung in pure gold
I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
China Blue
Tue, 2012-02-14 15:15
Cat
Thank you
as I have stated in additional notes I had three people in mind when I wrote this
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
author commentwesley snow
Tue, 2012-02-14 22:02
I can't touch this.
It feels very much like you have lost these friends. The poem is lovely and gracefully sentimental. If I could find something to correct in it, I wouldn't tell you.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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China Blue
Tue, 2012-02-14 23:49
Wes
not physically lost but emotionally
why not , wouldn't be like you then lol
thanks for stopping by
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2012-02-14 22:18
hello
I agree with wes. Anytime something is written with this much heart, any technical imperfections are overcome by the message within...........stan
China Blue
Tue, 2012-02-14 23:50
Stan
Thank you I'm sure the poem is not perfect but it does bring out what I wanted to say
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
author commentwesley snow
Wed, 2012-02-15 12:01
Specifically...
... form is how we attempt to create and express the emotional. When this is achieved, what is left is the potency of the poem. When emotional power is achieved the poet is finished. If every word is misspelled and the grammar atrocious, the poem succeeds when the emotional is achieved. There is nothing missing here. The poem succeeds intensely, grammar be damned.
By the way, I didn't find anything that bothered me anyway.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
China Blue
Wed, 2012-02-15 16:21
wes
lol thanks my friend hey I've gained a hell of lot of respect for you ya know
Chrys
you're a good teacher
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
author commentwesley snow
Fri, 2012-02-17 13:09
Not to be too silly,
but if you're developing respect for me you may want to see someone about it. A mind is a terrible... you get the picture.
And just for the fun of it and because Jess and I have been discussing it, I would like nothing better than to take the emotional intensity of your poetry and stick it in the middle of my dull precision.
You are an excellent poet (no matter what you may think).
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Rainy Day
Fri, 2012-03-23 01:46
Beautiful Piece
This is a beautiful piece. My favorite part is:
If I could make you whole again
it would be my greatest pleasure
For within every friend is found
the deepest of all treasures
I have someone in my life who has really been through the ringer lately. Such things can change someone. When we care for someone it seems we would do anything to make things ok again to go back to a time when we were all happy. I could feel the emotion and heart you have about this subject just by reading your words. Very well done.
China Blue
Fri, 2012-03-23 07:43
Rainy Day
Thank you very much for your kind comments
I'm not very big on Frost but you have quoted one of my favorite lines from the only poem that I do like
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
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