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Expanses( Choka entry)
Vast expanse of naught
the gaping maw of defeat
unjustified scorn
from others bent on deceit
undermining all
overshadowed by ego
perhaps unaware
the truth will conquer a lie
a broken soul left to die
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North Carolina
Favorite Poets
Edgar Allen Poe, James Patterson, Dean Koontz, Leonard Cohen
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Comments
alidzain
Sun, 2016-06-12 03:32
Chrys!
"overshadowed by an ego". This verse has 8 syllable count. Other han that, it's all good.
Alid
China Blue
Sun, 2016-06-12 06:10
Alid
will fix that right now thanks for catching that and for the read and comment
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
author commentSparrow
Sun, 2016-06-12 03:58
Chrys
Loved this one all you need to do is take out "an" in that line and all is perfection,
Take care of you all, Yours Ian . x
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
China Blue
Sun, 2016-06-12 06:13
Ian
Hello thanks Alid caught that one
've been trying to comment on at least three poems before posting anything and I use the undiscovered list to do so
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
author commentRula
Tue, 2017-03-21 17:17
Hello chrys
I have to admit that I found this a hard bite for the first few times that I read but then, and again I have to say I was fascinated by the language use and thought that everyone can relate to the theme in a way or another.
Wish all the best!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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