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From The Mist(Horror Story Workshop)

From The Mist

Ancient forrests grew thick and tall
upon this forrest a strange mist would fall
enshrouding all in a shimmering light
casting an eerie glow ,throughout the night

A creature emerges from the mist
with eyes ablaze as he spat and hissed
talons on the end of each sinewy hand
here the beast took it’s final stand

The rotten stench,of burning flesh
is interwoven in the mesh
of this ageless ones being
known by all,yet never seen

A scourge upon the earth and man
a plague to all,since time began
a flash of lightening and roll of thunder
a prelude to the siege they would be under

Memories of not so long ago,the villagers had
of a bright summer day, turned dark and sad
pieces of bodies covered the ground
half eaten corpses,hung upside down

Screams of agony were heard far and wide
so few were left to fight side by side
then as quickly as it began
the beast had vanished from the land

Now he makes his nightmarish return
to torture ,maim ,kill and burn
fight fire with fire the people say
a daunt full task,for they had not the way

Death and destruction hung heavy on the air

Last few words: 
It doesn't get any more rough then this unfinished work and it really needs more constructive in put guys Hey Killer I need some help here
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like the premise of the piece, but feel that the actual "Horror" of it is a bit too contrived. ( don't smack me, its only an opinion! ) LOL!! Like you said, its a rough draft and I'm sure others will add their input to help you make it something really scary indeed!

yep really rough. Can't wait for killers input and yes I agree with you but I'm not one for writing horror unless I let Damien Stryker in lol

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I suppose you two will have the computer blessed after these two writes.
I shall call in Arnie to sort this one out, he's good at jungle creatures lol
More close encounters would liven this one up a bit, use the claws a bit and watch the flesh peel as they draw bloody lines deep, what a fun day,
Take care Both, Yours, Ian

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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

EWWWWWWW but I guess that is what is needed will bear that in mind. will get to yours this evening (docs appt)

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

''to torture ,mame,kill and burn''

err is 'mame' spelled wrongly? I checked the dictionary.com for its meaning and it says
''a female given name.'' I think it should be ''maim''

Suggestion, - describe what happened to one of its victims to emphasize the horror that he/she felt.

Alid

ok I see where you want to take this. Yes all three of you suggested I narrow my field more and
concentrate more specifically on the blood and gore can't spend to much time here yet will be back this evening

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

don't forget to correct the spelling!

Alid

yes yes I just got back to this today(evening) will correct on the next round

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I'll not mention typos because I know this is going to be rewritten. Details, details. Where did this thing roam? What is it called or what does it call itself? How often does it emerge and does it do so only at certain times of year? Is it one of many or a unique thing? Will stan ever stop asking questions?...............stan

yep feeling somewhat better(have an ugly virus maybe it will help me write more ugly)
fixed the typos

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I see the horror, maybe captured in one stanza and unsuspected will send the heart rate jumping pumping blood. Shock me all at once with the scenes you have rather than passively spoken I think. Then I don't know much about writing horror just in my head

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Thank you for your input as stated all the WS poems are the very raw first draft

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

and 'the beat had vansihed'

You either wrote this in a hurry, or you're doing a Lewis Carrol Chrys xxx

Blood and gore horror - not my favourite genre, but you have done it well, i think
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Lewis Carrol hey lol hmmm I missed that beat thought I got them all
least ya'll got a laugh

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

Double post

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

but as Stan said this is an on going work. They will be proofread out.

Here's my thought.
I write my big poem two ways. One is "from the air" and the other "on the ground".
In the air is a broad stroke. The story moves fast without a lot of detail. It's necessary when I need a lot of story told quickly that would bore bogged down in details.
On the ground is down and dirty. I'm holding conversations, having sword fights and on and on.
I agree with everyone who felt you needed to get "on the ground" for a short time and get down and dirty.
Don't abandon the air shots. Like in the beginning I think it necessary, but maybe we could hear one person scream while...

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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got it

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

This is a fantastic theme. Very mythological/beowulf. Almost a creation story. Would enjoy some more background on the creature, perhaps a reason for his wrath. I'm a blood and guts writer so more gore is always welcome.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

ok I was just now thinking about how I will continue with this I have a difficult time with the blood and guts but that is what this workshop is all about thanks for your input

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

Figure out what works for your style. Mine is usually emotion driven and spills out onto paper in a rage filled chaotic sort of way. Some of the scariest stories are those that are the most subtle....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I think horror can be precisely what you told me. Subtle. Sneaky. Hidden and guessed at. Blood and gore is fun, but not necessary. Don't let yourself try to write something you don't want to write. Let others write hack and slash. You write something "under the covers". Remember... there's horror in Sherlock Holmes, but very little gore.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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