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Damien's Lie (for title ws)

The air I breathe is of the dead or dying

words spew forth from swollen cracked lips
all that is heard through the spittle and hiss
are lies cleverly phrased

These acidulous tears are shed for no one
but a love lost
energy expelled in rage

Through eyes set ablaze
by Zeus's hand
I watch the demise of woman and man
sanctioned and doled out
by my own hand

I walk through the world of the living
but live in the realm of the dead
know ye well
that Damien Stryker goes on

Awaken those sleeping, come forth and rise
cloaked by mist
hidden by fog
Damien did and still rides

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
Re Post for Stan's workshop on titles
Editing stage: 

Comments

"Damien", but that's too easy.
"A breath of fresh death"... too cheeky?
I'm really bad at this.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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common now you can do better than that. I know what the title that I gave it was right Damien does not have that draw to the reader
look at the body of the poem , what images are conjured up by them( if any)

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

Euthanasia or Demise.
The poem was about death to me.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

"Deathly Demise", Ditto Wesley's dement.
Mind you "Stokers Demise" is just as good lol
There seems to be a mix here where Zeus's eyes are brought in at some point, so am not sure which undead we are writing about.
Take care both, Yours, Ian..

.
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Unconditional love to you all.
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Damien's demise' demise
wouldn't deathly demise be redundant?
I'm playing devils advocate here

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I was referring to "Bram Stoker", who wrote about Dracula all those years ago"Stokers Demise" was the downfall of the Dracula man lol,
Yours Ian xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

"When The Dead Speaks"

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I like that one, IMHO a little more draw

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

but the titles that came to my mind after quite a few reads were
Damien's Lie
Damien Rides
???

Can I please point out a couple of things?
Typo I think, unless 'dieing' is on purpose? - do you mean 'dying'?

In the last two stanzas you use the word 'dead' 3 times .... can I suggest you use a synonym for at least one of them?

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I've made a few changes based on your suggestions thank you
this was from a series of poems I had written under the pseudonym "Damien Stryker"
it is ok if you cannot grasp it
point was to find a title ( which it already has but for the purpose of this workshop I left off)

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

a typo though as you missed taking the 's' off 'stills'
Can I make one more suggestion - lose the 'on' at the end...
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

there ya go
good suggestions

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

how about 'Necromancer'.

Alid

to me it would not fit Stryker is no where near it he is perhaps more vmapire than anything else
If you are a fan of one words titles which I use from time to time this would be a good title for another poem

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I'll think of another.

Alid

I can feel the character in this poem..
aptly written too!
You "fleshed" him out!

Thank You!

Hi and thank you very much

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

It would be very unlike me not to title one of my poems and that being said this one is no different
It's title was and still is
Awaken The Dead"

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

yes, seriously. Non sequiturs can add an entirely new direction.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Summoning The Dark.

Alid

"Reaper's Stroll"

like this title far more than my own

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment
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