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Sacrificial Pawns
did someone hear his last cry
or was he a Kentucky chicken fry
lost much before his prime
though it wasn't his crime
in caskets lined in endless rows
restless lie the mortal remains
wondering if it was really worth
to suffocate in these memorials
muffled voices, riddled bodies
end products of the arms lobby
who rejoice during a war cry
packing ammo for more convoys
wars are now fought in foreign land
rarely to protect the motherland
politicians plot these war games
soldiers just toys in the end game
an enemy of enemy becomes a friend
billionaires getting hooked on fast bucks
everything is fair in the unfair wars
no place for the morals of Socrates
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage:
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Comments
themoonman
Tue, 2018-05-22 17:35
Hi raj,
Your title drew me in, because I thought it
overwritten. You mention "soldier" then pretty
much describe them "pawns of war lords".
I suggest a shortening down ... choose one,
the soldier or the war lord and maybe give
an picture there, example; puppet soldier.
Poem needs some work, convoluted and
indecisive on rhyme and rhythm.
Great content, you are speaking about
our babies, there is no better subject and
war is a crime on humanity.
raj
Wed, 2018-05-23 04:30
Thanks Richard
for taking time to read and comment. Very few visit. May be because they don't find my poems worth a second glance...quite naturally they eventually give up even reading them.
Noted your critique. As for rhyme..it is not my comfort zone and creates hindrance to my thoughts.
regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
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