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A Pensive Platform

Here I sit
Stilted again
Weathered and worn bag
Still heavy in hand

The seat that I sit on
Is comfortably stiff
Many before me have
Sat here, I guess

The view from this seat
Is misty with rain
Through the grey paddocks
My eyes constantly scan

Distance is short
Lived from afar
Oh, now I'm listening hard.
Just as I thought
Here comes the train.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

could be Travel Log, a befitting title for your descriptive poem. I used to travel by train, especially while touring Europe. This brings back memories. So very nicely written!!
Ali

says s lot with a little.
To me you are in a train station, and just painting a picture like an Edward Hopper painting. It feels to me like a commuter (distance is short). To me the writer seems tired,and lost to a vacant state. a photograph.
So the title doesn't work for me. I don't see the poem in terms of travel, that's not what the poem is about to me, and certainly not bloging...the poem has too much inner tension. such as
The seat that I sit on
Is comfortably stiff
Many before me have
Sat here, I guess

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thanks Ali an Eumolpus.
I'll rethink the title.
And thanks Eumolpus for describing my poem as painting and a photograph. I'm glad that picture came through to you.
You're right the poem isnt about travel as in the backpacker kind. More about the plodding, meadering, questioning kind of moving forward. If that makes sense!
Thank you for commenting both of you.

author comment

but I appreciate the cleanly done meter.

Oh, now I'm listening hard. This is the only verse I have trouble with. It is unrelated to the rest of the meter.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Yes I agree!
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I'll see if I can fix it in the future.
I'm new to poetry and structure. So hearing you say my poem had metre is pretty encouraging!

author comment

This is straight forward as to meaning. Just a snippet of ordinary life. I think the heart of the poem is the two lines :
distance is short
lived from afar.
You might consider rereading this as far as capitalization goes though......stan

Thanks Stan!
Asylum this definately is.
Loving this space where we can all get a little bit crazy!

author comment

Thanks Stan!
Asylum this definately is.
Loving this space where we can all get a little bit crazy!

author comment

Capitalizing each line of a poem is an old, antique mode whose day is gone. Better to use correct grammar and capitalize only when necessary and correct. Personally, I can't stand it when each line is capitalized to make it "look" like a poem, but in the end... it is your poem.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

That's great to hear. I prefer lower case too.
My grammar and writing education has been pretty poor to date. So I may not do these 'correctly', but I'm going to keep going with writing words and keep that metre ticking.
So I've only done 3 poems here on neopoet and

already I'm tired of listening to rhyme in my mind.
I may try a different rhythm to match what's going on.

See? I can't help it! But it's starting to annoy me.

author comment

I did three takes. It's up to you to decide whether that is of any significance.
Love the poem, glad you improved the title.
Here's the reading.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/a-pensive-platform-by-scatterhatter

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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