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Memories afloat

Moss grows in damp dark
Split tree leaves
Reveal a long lost scent
Of what I've learnt was Sassafras

Glorious
The water flows
Floating memories away
Bubbling down the brook
Cascades

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Sassafras is a sweet smelling spring flowering tree from Southern Australia.... Very clunky words I know...
Editing stage: 

Comments

All this poem needs is a little punctuation to clarify a separation in thoughts.
My PM mentioned Stan's workshop on Imagery in Poetry. I hope you will consider it. Your poem is full of the sort of imagery the shop will be talking about.

No word is "clunky" if it enhances the poem. Your description of Sassafras is the poem.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Thanks Mr Snow
I ll check out the workshop in imagery.....
Thanks!

author comment

and welcome to Neopoet!

I much enjoyed your poem, such lovely imagery!! I hope to read more of your work soon.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Thanks Cat!
Its such a great site. I've never done anything like this before. People here on neopoet are grand!

author comment

Listen.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/memories-afloat-by-scatterhatter
Nothing clunky about it.
Are you an Aussie? Please fill out your profile a bit more so we can get to know you better.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

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