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Time frame portal

Cut and paste snippets lie crumpled on the floor
The remnants of our discarded time from before
What to immortalize in this time frame portal
A life of old while the new stays broken

A smile of bright with eyes that trust
A old ragged car that was full of rust
The picnic rug where the wine was spilt
A holiday where sandcastles were built

What to do with these scraps of paper
To keep and cherish many years later
When time has dusted it's veil of plaster
Over the wounds that'll eventually be forecast

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Working through some stuff.... and moving house.
Editing stage: 

Comments

This sounds like a closely observed personal piece, so I won't dwell on the content too much, I have a very dear friend, who I think could empathize with this. You've captured very skillfully I feel the sense of stasis and re-living, reminiscing, and attempting to make sense of a very acute situation.
Particularly touching:
"A life of old while the new stays broken"

No particular criticism - I think you are on the right track..

Good luck ;)

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Thank you Chris.
Tell your dear friend to light a bonfire
Keep one or two to remember
The rest to burn to ashes
Like how I'll eventually be scattered..

author comment

Tell my friend, to keep as much as she feels belongs to her. And I hope that no too much goes in the bonfire..sometimes there are wonders that others will still appreciate..:)

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

In an old car leave all the paper
car may rust faster
later
some guy will junk it
he will
but if she buys or comes along
all paper she will till
and herself try to kill
why did she not let you
lend her loving will
don't kill
she will come along still
and as the guy above says
some wear the worst colour black
some mares beautiful only are darkest black
don't scatter
doesn't matter
the paper is garbage as it is for you
some publisher some day will BLESS U
and in your memory
summon his crew
and
make a verses stew

then go to McDonald
in praise of you

Sounds like a plan, Stan
I would say but
Stan is below
And I don't want to confuse
The flow

author comment

below is USA....eeee
which one did you read

His above or
his below
and mine now
heaven knows

a BOSSY guy always discussed with me
and finally said

for your above
see my below
he never anything wore
B'lOe
What more did I see
you still wanna know

I'm also in the midst of moving and you have captured the "weeding out" which accompanies it. What to keep? What to discard? I really like the second stanza.........stan

Yes hard it is
But I have a plan, Stan
I'll keep neoposted

author comment

sometimes you write like a brilliant ingenue,
at others like a well educated, informed and seasoned poet.
Who the fuck are you?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Hi Jess
To answer some questions for you go back to memories afloat...
There the whole story will unfold.
Cheers Stevie....

author comment
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