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Rescued

Shatter thy ceiling
Escape through the starry night
Drown in dreams within

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Trying out haiku. Trying not to rhyme!
Editing stage: 

Comments

It is a difficult concept for me.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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first haiku. Keep it up! .
.

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Thank you both for commenting.
It's really hard to cram everything into 17 syllables!

author comment

before I even suggested it.
Do more.
Even though they are supposed to work individually yoo can assemble them into collections that work both individually and as a whole.
https://www.neopoet.com/node/2669

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

To pack a lot in, with very few well chosen words. Drown in dreams within - very nice, if this is your first foray.

You can have fun with them, in the tech industry, we use them instead of "error page not found" messages on websites, (these are not mine, a friend uses them on his website) like:

The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.

And:
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist

Not even kidding, these come from website, which has to be seen to be believed!

Have fun.

Cheers, and take care.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

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