Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Sunku ( The Dance)

tonight we dance
silken touch
eyes lock

tonight we feed
savored taste
bite soft

tonight we sleep
dreamer you
I, too

Editing stage: 


that you have the form right; except that you have the lines in the wrong order. I really like the hint of vampirism included. A new member of the Darkside?
~ Geezer.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 7pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

Yes...Geezer is the context of Sunku lines of your stanzas are upside down and need to be turned 180 degrees

raj (sublime_ocean)

The mountain upside down! I quite like it in this form, although I know it's not strictly the form, I sense the bite. I'll have a look at this workshop, thank you.



Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Sounds like an important evening you are having there. Anti-sunku looks good.


(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.