Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Clip

Submitted by Scatterhatter on Thu, 2017-10-26 10:13

I've flown high
Meandered
Wandered
Touched my toe
In stillness

Algae grew

It glowed
Underneath the
finger toe
And it
Festered
Rested

It took from me
Moments
Decades

But now nail
Clippers are
my master
Take all
Clip clip

(E) clip (se)

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2017-10-26 16:02

Did it glow?...

There is not much that I can contribute to this. Just wanted to let you know that it did stir the brain cells a little, trying to decided what, if anything I should say about this. I am going to assume; [ not always a good thing] that there is some story behind the last line. I get the reference to the e/clip/se, but is that it? ~ Geezer

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Scatterhatter

Fri, 2017-10-27 04:17

Thanks for commenting geezer.

Thanks for commenting geezer...
My thoughts were a little blurry when I wrote this. There is a long story to the Eclipse. A long beautiful one...
The Eclipse has happened, is happening, and will be happening for a long time to come. I'm not sure if that's made any sense. But changes have happened for me. The bold first step has been taken. And it feels amazing...

author comment

vandiemenspeak

Sat, 2017-10-28 07:29

Tactile feel, a mysterious sense..

Like Geezer, I find it a little mysterious, but nonetheless intriguing - and original, language use from head to toe..as always. And eclipse is a great word, can be used n many contexts - and said in many ways.

Thanks

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

RobinRosier

Mon, 2017-10-30 16:44

I simply loved it

Awesome just the right balance of symmetry in your words.Creatively done

weirdelf

Tue, 2018-01-16 09:42

nah, a bit tricksy

Nice but you have done and will do better.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Neopoet

Clip