The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem titled "Parallel" demonstrates a strong understanding of narrative and emotional depth. The use of alternate universes as a metaphor for the different paths relationships can take is a compelling concept. The poem effectively uses this concept to explore the themes of unrequited love and self-worth.

The poem could benefit from a more consistent use of imagery. For example, the stanza about being next-door neighbors has a strong sense of place due to the specific details about the lawnmower, snowblower, and dogs. However, the stanza about being on opposite ends of the earth lacks this specificity. Adding more concrete details about what the speaker and the other person are doing in their respective locations could strengthen this stanza.

The final lines of the poem introduce the idea that the speaker is "too smart to be hurt" by the other person in another universe. This is a powerful statement about self-worth and learning from past experiences. However, the poem could further explore this idea. For instance, the poem could provide more details about how the speaker's experiences in the current universe have led them to this realization.

The poem's structure could also be more consistent. The stanzas vary in length and rhythm, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Establishing a more consistent structure could enhance the poem's rhythm and readability.

Finally, the poem's use of the second person could be more consistent. The poem switches between addressing the other person directly and referring to them in the third person. This can be confusing for the reader. Consistently addressing the other person directly could make the poem's narrative more clear and engaging.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I very much like the title, Parallel! I like the story line of the poem. I feel it progress naturally and with ease. Good work! my favorite lines are:

Maybe in this universe we were on opposite ends of the earth
My night was your day
Where I saw a sunset, you saw a sunrise.
Both skies being painted, but with different brushes.

some of the lines are a little long, but that is easy to fix. for example:

Maybe in this universe we were
on opposite ends of the earth
My night was your day
Where I saw a sunset,
you saw a sunrise.
Both skies being painted,
but with different brushes.

this is just a suggestion for your lovely, thoughtful poem.
*hugs, Cat

this poem is amazing. it breaks my heart and mends it at the same time- so beautifully written!! i am in awe!!

like the conversation you have going with yourself and "the boy", Telling him in your mind, the things you never got to say in this parallel universe. I felt the hurt in knowing that someone doesn't care as much as you do. But it wears off, just as the pain of childbirth does, and most people are ready to try it again. Nice stuff. ~ Geezer.
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Hello, hippiemoon,
You've described the "other" universe so well. Intriguing line about the white picket fence, which usually symbolizes a perfect life, but the poem uses it to symbolize the separation of what seemingly could be perfect. Wonderful title which I understand, but I also sense a bit of irony to it. Sometimes two people can live together physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually they are parallel, never completely intersecting.
I enjoyed this!
L

I don't think I have read anything of yours that I have not enjoyed. You keep it simple, as I like, and believe poetry should be. Congratulations on your win, I think there will be many more. Alex

Just wow