The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Upon analyzing the poem, several aspects stand out. The poem's narrative structure is clear and consistent, providing a vivid picture of the imagined life. The repetition of certain activities, such as making breakfast, packing lunch, and expressing love, helps to establish a rhythm and reinforce the sense of routine in the relationship.

However, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery. For instance, the line "And I would make you breakfast" is repeated verbatim twice, and similar phrases appear throughout the poem. While repetition can be effective for emphasis, too much can make the poem feel monotonous. Consider using synonyms or rephrasing to add variety and maintain reader interest.

The poem also tends to tell rather than show. For example, the line "And we’d be laughing and happy" directly states the characters' emotions instead of conveying them through description or action. Consider using more figurative language and sensory details to evoke emotions indirectly. This could make the poem more engaging and impactful.

Lastly, the poem could explore deeper themes or conflicts to add complexity. While the depiction of a comfortable, loving relationship is touching, introducing some tension or introspection could make the poem more thought-provoking. For instance, the speaker could reflect on why this ideal life is only possible "in another life," or express mixed feelings about the domestic routine.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys a longing for a different life and a deep affection for the imagined partner. By incorporating more varied language, showing instead of telling, and delving into deeper themes, the poem could become even more engaging and impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

one of those times, when I waver as to what poetry is; what prose is and narrative prose or poetry?
I like all three of the discriptions. Instead, I will attack your dream! Ha! Nooooo, seriously, I thought that this
is one of those times, when the label doesn't matter. You have brought images to my brain with your accurate potrayal
of the dream that we've all been fed. You have to be like this, in order to be happy. Nicely done, ~ Geez.
.

this is beautiful and heartbreaking! Wish you the best
-MM

So...having had much of this in my marriage with my late husband, I can completely understand why you would want these ordinary, yet extraordinary things. I'll disagree with AI regarding the repetition of making breakfast. That is so significant here. For me, this entire poem is significant. I sincerely hope this happens for you - in this life.
Thank you for the beautiful reflections with this!
Lavender

I don't believe I have read anything of yours that I did not enjoy. I love the wistful dreamy quality you bring to your work. I'm not going to make any suggestions about this one which I particularly enjoyed as I'm sure if you read and reread you will see where improvements can be made. Yes I will, sorry, my hobby horse. Punctuation, on longer works is very important, to speed it, slow it, take a pause. emphasise. Read it as though you were on stage with an audience before you, in the palm of your hand,hanging on every word. That's a wonderfully powerful feeling and you deserve, and I think you will, do well. Good luck. Alex