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Editing - draft

Bees

Soft breeze
carrying fat bees.
Their bums dusted in pollen,
leaving yellow blobs on cotton
as the laundry waves at passers by.

Intoxicating, Love

Stuck in your same ol' ways

Smoking your lungs black
Drinking your liver to death

Risking everyone's lives,
Including your own
Just to drive home to me

Sometimes...
I wish you wouldn't come home.

The weight
Of carrying you from the bathroom to our bed
Cleaning the remnants of your sins off the floor
Watching you hold on for your life
The smell alone could intoxicate me

It's too much.

I can't stop you
I can't save you
And I can't unlove you...

To Love You (Living with Depression Contest)

Lately,
All I can think about is death
And you.

It's like my brain is hardwired
to love you
Even when I can't love myself.

I used to live
To see the moon on a sunny day
To step on one more crunchy leaf
To feel the sun on my face
To find a lucky penny.

Anything to survive the day.
Just one more day.

Lately,
None of that matters to me.

Now, it's just you.

To hear your laugh,
To look into your eyes,
To feel your hand in mine,
Your lips on mine.

Abandoned

She bobbed there in the gentle swell,
The little boat I knew so well.
The sail wrapped tight along the boom
Gave me a feeling of dark doom.
I saw no anchor chain hung down
To stop her, lest she run aground.
No one sat in her empty bow.
No hand controlled her keel just now.
A gentle breeze set her to rock.
How did she get loose from the dock?
As the breeze caused her to turn,
I spotted paint along her stern.
Rough letters where my name had been -
The words now looked like "Mortal Sin."

Repressed, Depression...

Self-depreciated, self-contained
afraid to show true face
Remaining nameless, by design
they're lost in the human race.

Bereft of praise and reassurance,
skating on thin ice, it seems
rememberance of better times
and their unbroken dreams.

Depression pushes down on them
then secrets manifold,
They cannot trust, they do not dare,
the secret story is untold.

Dark and dangerous mental state
do they dare to live?
Desperately flailing, signaling,
" Have I more to give?"

Something New

Rain rushes from the skies
Mixing with a single tear
The wind cuts through
Like every doubt, every fear

Lightning shatters my peace
Like the pieces of my mind
A distant thunderclap mocks
Of the girl I was and left behind

A tornado rages in my head
Demolishing my peace and joy
I plaster on a smile for you,
But it's just a tactic I employ

The fear paralyzes my heart
Yet I'm so tired of being afraid
It is time to get up and fight
Before my resolve starts to fade

have you ever felt like a boquet of flowers?

You kept them after she gave them to you, and
slowly they dried out in the crisp stale air of your room in a trailer
in the deserts of New Mexico,
poor conditions thus yielding poor results and...
flowers don't live forever,
it doesn't seem to matter what you do.

But you kept them, and hung them on your wall
to solidify a spirit of hope maybe,
or to be a memento for something that felt like
it would last forever
if you just gave it fresh water every day.

Finding My Hero

Locked in the basement of my mind,
I face the demons of my thoughts.
They lurk there in every shadow,
Every gloomy patch, waiting to strike.
Where is the superhero who will free me?
Where is the one who will illuminate
All dark corners and show me the way
To escape the basement of my mind?
Will my hero ever arrive?

Pieces

You’ve left pieces of your heart around the planet.
Did you know at the start this life would demand it?
Your heart set your course to protect, to defend.
You joined an armed force. They give orders and send
You to places so far from all those you hold dear.
But you do it, because when the need is so clear,
You must go and respond, you must meet duty's call.
So you leave those you love and you stand up tall.
Like a flag, your heart's banner waves all unfurled
O'er the pieces of you left around the whole world.

Royalty Gone Bad...

I was locked in the basement without any light
Chained to the furnace since Saturday night
A small bowl of dogfood, a bit of warm water
I was paying my penance, just like I oughta

I made the mistake, of not paying attention
The Queen took my silence, for a transgression
Which would it be, sharp whips or cold chains?
I smelled in the dark... the floor's bloody stains

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